I meet friends in swanky hotel lobbies

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Who knows what the next few hours are going to hold?

[Update: So, nothing happened.  I mean, lots happened, but basically, it was nothing.  This is an old, dear friend with whom I have a deep connection, but I wasn’t up for it; didn’t want to be at the vortex of his guilt.]

God, I miss The Neighbor.  I keep having nightmares that he’s fucking our other neighbor or that he’s on a date with his soul mate and I’ll hear, “Hy… we have to talk…”  I’ll try really hard not to roll up into the fetal position when that happens.

In the mean time, I feel pretty awesome right now.  My kid’s in bed, I have a snack and a vodka-pom waiting for me.  I’ll smoke a cig later and hope TN feels up for a game of Scrabble later, though I won’t hold my breath because he’s still dead to the world.

God, I’m so fucked.]

9 thoughts on “I meet friends in swanky hotel lobbies

  1. Not what was expected by anyone.,,,

    I have to admit Hy, after your last post I was looking forward to more of the same.
    While I’m sure everyone who reads the visceral discriptions of your escapades is affected much the same way, I would hazard a guess I am one of the few who looks deeper than the sexual aspect.
    It is things like your feeling towards your lovers, the openness than underlines your admiration for them the beauty and awe you express with your discriptions. I am certainly not homophobic but also not Bi maybe Bi accepting anyway this isn’t about me. But your descriptions of Jack and Troy are both touching and exciting at the same time.
    The difference between your writing and by default your attitudes towards sex are what sets you apart from most women I read.
    There is not guilt, shame or regret about any of the sex itself, but rather your and your lovers emotions and your concerns for them and yourself.

    That makes you special …. And so fucking desirable!!

    Your an ethical slut. Not only that you are beautiful, extremely so !

    When I read your descriptions of your mental and physcial responses to all the orgasms and squirting and where you go mentaly I marvel at your freedom to experience those sensations. I also think of what I would do if given the oppurtunity to elicit such responses from you. You are a gift to be treasured.
    You are a Dominants dream. But as I’ve said before Being Dominant is about more than sex. It is about teaching and caring for someones mental well being. It is about when the time comes to part ways whether its after a nite or a year that we have been a positive influence.
    What didn’t happen last nite is a testiment to your intergrity. While its not what I expected it tells me a little more about you as a person.

    Good luck, bisous…

    Cruel

    • Thank you for your thoughtful, kind words, Cruel.

      Last night was weird for me – I usually press pass any initial hesitation because the physical reward will be so great. The thing that kept me from moving on him, though, is its affect on his psyche. I couldn’t hurt him like that. We fooled around last summer and he said he was tortured for about a night (not a big deal, I know), but that was just a blowjob. He begged me to suck him last night as I was leaving, but we had already agreed not to touch (though, we did a little) and I knew that once that genie was out, it’d be over. He’ll be back in May and that’s plenty of time to figure it out. He’d fuck the ever loving shit outta me, that’s for sure, while simultaneously loving me for a few hours. That’d be pretty goddamned hot.

      As for the Dom thing… I’d never thought of that. I told my friend last night – let’s call him Big Tex – about my run in with the bad Dom. He was furious and he shit on the whole BDSM thing. I defended it the best I could, but honestly, I don’t have the best taste in my mouth. It’d be lovely to explore it safely with someone. Jason said he’d Dom me, but he’s disappeared again (true to form). I wish I knew someone like you in real life. That would be a journey…

      I’ve had so little sex in the past 4 weeks I barely know myself. I have a feeling I’ll be pulling more from my archives.

      xx

  2. I concur with everything Cruel said (I think if I swung that way, you’d do it for me ;-) )

    What I enjoy about reading your blog is that you always discuss the underlying aspects from a perspective I haven’t considered before. Sometimes I wish the men in your life were more than just a sexual release, I often wonder if you have anyone in your life who loves your mind as much as your body and sexual openness… but, maybe that’s the boundary you’ve put in place.

    As for TN, “can’t” and “aren’t” are two different things, my dear. I notice you said “can’t”

    Best wishes …

  3. While you could find dozens of people who would “Dom” you during sex that doesn’t even scratch the surface. Imagine if someone was responsible enough, knew you well enough and who’s first concern was you well bein. Then give that person power over your freewill in life choice decisions. Is that restrictive or freedom. If you could live without the anxiety of makiing every decision. If your every misdead was forgive once the spanking was over ( given you learned the lesson ). Would that be restrictive or freedom. That is the difference between someone who uses BDSM for getting laid and someone who truely cares about you.
    One downside of the reach of the internet is the mainstreaming of everything as a potential profit source BDSM has fallen into that trap in a huge way. Everyone with an internet connection and a cool screen name can become what ever they want in an instant.

    Thanks for you confidence in me its not as easy as it might seem from my words but holding your behaviour to a higher standard when your responsible for someone else is something that should be formost in every aspect of everyones life not just this thing we do.

    Cruel

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