I wait with baited breath.

My heart is in my throat while I wait for The Neighbor to get home from a blind double date.

He’d forgotten he’d already promised his best friend to go out with this girl; he’d told me about it with an eye roll and an indifferent shrug of his shoulders.

I told him to come over afterwards, but no time was given.

The date started almost 4 hours ago and I’m about to go to bed lest my guts roil over or I gnaw off my own arm.

I feel like puking out my emotions; a long, hard run earlier did nothing to ease my anxiety. I think I’m supposed to surrender to it.

Fuck it.

And I expect a text from him that says, “Too tired. Another night,” because that’s how he rolls. Wish I did, too.

[UPDATE: I was right.]

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39 thoughts on “I wait with baited breath.

  1. Surrender to it and please don’t gnaw your own arm off…you would then be lopsided whereas now you are perfect. Too bad you are so far away…I’d come over and tell you bad jokes until TN was safely home. (alone!)

    Hugs,
    Dawn

  2. No, no, no. Resist the urge, Hy! It’s an awful urge and it will whisper to you sweetly until you turn the phone off and go to sleep. Trust me. Be strong, darlink. I doubt he brought a female home. <3

  3. Hope you’re sawing logs by now. F him, if he doesn’t appreciate a choice, shaved cootch. (I guess “F” would be “forget” in this case.)

    • You won’t believe this, but he just left. I was about to close my laptop when I heard my bedroom door pushed open about an hour ago. I’m going to sleep now pumped full of cum. I’ll write about it tomorrow.

      Thanks for your kind words.

  4. All’s well that ends well? Perhaps. But this morning, with that big smile on your face, let’s reflect a bit. Last night showed serious weakness. Being distraught like that is no fun. And be certain, it WILL happen again. You need to try and reduce the impact when it happens again. Steel yourself, Girl … you need to reinforce the walls in this compartment of your heart, and prevent leakage gushing into every other aspect of your life. Don’t tell me it is too late. Be strong, Hy, it’s early still.

    Mike

    • Thanks, Mike :) Yes, it ended well, but how can I steel myself against being essentially stood up by someone I trust? That shit wasn’t cool. I felt disrespected, like my time wasn’t valued, like *I* wasn’t. He was wrong to do that.

      I can be tough by not losing my shit on him, but I can’t be so tough I feel nothing at all. I’m clueless as to how to make that shit happen.

      • ” … I’m clueless as to how to make that shit happen…. ” Just the opposite, you know EXACTLY how to do it. First you admit that you don’t like and will NOT accept what happened. You’ve done that. Then you must realize your “trust” in him is, at this point, misplaced. Ponder that. Next, and hardest, I know, is “you don’t give in to that feeling!” Next time when he wants you, you must be unavailable. You’re too easy, and you know it, and so does TN. If this relationship is to progress, TN has to do some work.

        Mike

  5. Hy – You’ll figure this out in your own way. I agree with Mike in the sense of know your boundaries and limitations and enforce them, but understand that plans are just guidelines. Things happen and we must remain flexible. The branch that doesn’t bend breaks.

    Either way, I’m glad it ended well.

    XX

    • I feel pretty good about it all. From his perspective I rolled with it and didn’t give too much of a shit, wasn’t pissy when he did show up, and we really enjoyed each other. Which is the whole point, right??

      However, my plan is to say no to his next advance. Wish me luck! I’m terrible at saying no…

      • Much luck … saying No is definitely an acquired skill! Be careful of devolving into games though, say no only if you mean it because if you say yes another time to the same thing, then it’s mixed messages.

        Much love…GC

      • It’ll be more or less for practice. Last night is proof I’m too easy. He hurt me by flaking and there were zero repercussions. I need to feel like I’m doing something, too, not just always reacting.

      • Sounds like I signed off at just the right time. :) In regards to saying no… “not right now”, “maybe later”, “I’ll let you know”, “Oh… I already made plans”, and “Tonight? No good… perhaps tomorrow” are all good ways to say no while saying yes. ;)

  6. My response to his “too drunk and sleepy” text would have been to just shut off my phone and I would have locked the fucking door to boot. I agree with the other comments. You are not a door mat so don’t let him treat you as such.

  7. Hy, with waited breath I answer. It seems I just had the mirror of this conversation today and while my day didn’t end will a shaved cootch brimming with love juice I think it went well.
    Don’t define what may or maynot happen in any situation with your expectations of what you think should happen. Inevitably you will be disappointed. That is just another needless heartbreak.
    Someone very smart just spoke about honesty VS truth. Truth is much easier, but honesty about how you felt can’t be misunderstood.
    IMHO trying to teach some one a lesson in rudeness is much better served with a big scoop lot honesty deceit only bitter the broth.

    May your cunt runneth over.

    Cruel

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