I think the “purity movement” can go fuck itself.

And here’s why.

I got this comment on my About page the other day:

Just curious if you have ever been treated for an intimacy disorder such as sex and/or sex and love addiction? Just from reading your bio, I can see where things might head in your life. I hope you never get to that point and that you find what you are looking for. May God grant you serenity!

This comment was left by the Castimonia group, a “sexual purity” support group that follows a 12-step program to help men “to achieve a Biblically based sexual purity”.  It’s pleasant enough, but I’m not fooled.

I’m left a little speechless that they were out combing the internet for souls to save.  Was he able to control the swell in his crotch when he saw my avatar or read my accounts?  Did he hate himself in that second and felt absolved for reaching out to me?  One who may need reform?

I have been blatantly honest in my writings here about my promiscuity, my compulsions, my grief, and how I’ve decided to consciously deal with all of it.  I’ve used my body to its maximum and haven’t regretted a single moment of it.  I’ve struggled with feelings of love and lust and wrestled with the ideas of attachment and addiction.  My conclusion is that I abuse sex, but I am no addict, and I am solidly comfortable with my self diagnosis and any schmuck who comes and reads Page 1 about me and drops a deuce line like that can go fuck themselves.  With a rake.

The big problem I have with a group like this finding me and leaving their biblical sex group “pamphlet” at my doorstep is that it feels sanctimonious.  And I know from experience that my reaction justifies their means.  I am clearly in denial because I’m so defensive and pissed and that kind of circular logic makes me want to choke someone.

And then I worried that my other blogging friends got riddled with a purity bullet, too, as this group drove by.  Did I lead them to others?

The other problem I have with a group like this — their silly commenting practices aside — is the entire premise of this gathering.  Here are just a couple of the issues they believe warrant curing and/or cessation:

  • Sexually immoral thought life
  • Pornography
  • Sexual acting out such as self-gratification, using prostitutes, frequenting sexually oriented businesses, or adult bookstores
  • Adultery

The fact that “self-gratification” and “using prostitutes” are in the same sentence shows you how skewed and self-loathing the thought process might be for them.  One is an illegal, misogynistic act.  The other is touching yourself to orgasmic release.  Um… not even remotely the same thing here, people.

They believe that thoughts fall into moral/immoral categories; that laying eyes on sexual images is wrong; that masturbation is wrong; reading sexual content is wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.  Good god.  Is breathing ok?

I live in the same world as they do, so I understand why using a prostitute is “wrong,” but it’s more out of the rights of the prostitute that I am against it.  They’re often strung out on drugs, or under the thumb of an abusive pimp.  I support the happy prostitute and her right to sell her body, however, and I support the right of a man wanting to pay for it.  But it is illegal, after all, so ok.  I’ll give them that.

I also understand why they would want to help a man who is adulterous.  On paper it can wreck a family, wreak havoc on a psyche and hurt a community, but that’s on paper, in a simple black and white world, a world in which we do not live.  Not even a little bit.

The rest of their goals of sexual purity are just asinine, frankly.  Denying oneself the right to have a lustful thought or become aroused and pleasure yourself is fighting biology, a form of self-sadism, and cruel to inflict on youth (what, you don’t think they only apply these rules to grown men, do you?).

Whenever I come across a person who has categorized a feeling or emotion into good or bad it tells me a number of things.  Just like the commenter judged me on my libertine ways, I, too, can judge right back.  These men have scapegoated their sexualities and urges.  If only they didn’t touch themselves then their whole lives would fall in line.  If only they didn’t stare at women’s breasts they would be godlier.  If only, if only… when really, the issue might be more about trauma, low self-esteem, community and/or religious pressures, or a bad primary sexual relationship.

So, good luck, Sanctimonia Castimonia.  I hope you keep trolling the internet looking for others to enlighten with your weird, strange, misdirected sexual purity movement.  I wish you all the most pure thoughts in the world.

28 thoughts on “I think the “purity movement” can go fuck itself.

  1. I think you’re too kind to these creeps.

    On one hand, it’s truly sad how sexually dysfunctional Xianity is. For that, they all need deprogramming and psychiatric help.

    On the other hand, the “pamphlet” they sent you is a recruitment tool; no more or less. They have judged you and found you “fallen”. They want to “save” you.

    You may be a little out of control, but who isn’t? Your sexuality, per se, has nothing to do with it, really.

    FWIW, I think the word “dissolute” may have been why they targetted you.

    • That’s funny because I thought I was being harsh. But, I’m going to be true to this blog and be honest, so there ya have it. And you may be right as to how they found me. Who knows? I wonder if it’s a chore for them…

  2. Strict guidelines are to support the self deluding idea that one person is better than another. Chose the guide line that “makes sense to you,” and magically you will find what you’ve always sensed to be true: you are good and others are baaaad. If you can convert others it will strengthen your delusion. And what power you hold if you can control with fear. Muah ha ha….! It’s old as dirt, fear of the foreign/alien/other.

    People in the kink world are so much less judgemental than I’m used to. If mustard on green jello was my turn on, no one would care. In my old life, I was so earnest that I stopped all living.

    Hyacinth, I am so happy for you that you are living a courageous life. You won’t brick yourself up to please someone else.

    • I totally agree with you on this one. It makes me sad that groups like this exist, but it also confuses my general outlook on life. I mean, I want everyone to get what they need out of life. I just have such a hard time believing that denying sexual urges is an option on any level other than sparing harm to someone else.

    • Hy – I’m with Cruel … fuck the haters, that includes spam and Pt 2 plz

      I got a similar message though much, much harsher. My response was delete and a very nice orgasm with a very explicit, raunchy, nasty fantasy.

      I certainly felt better ;-)


      • I was sorta appalled at the gall and then their mission. So weird!

        I need an orgasm now that you mention it. It’s been forever and a goddamned day…

  3. I was caught in the cross fire of the same drive-by, but I didn’t really look into who the perp was, or consider that they were out hunting other vampires to stake. Initially I replied, but having now learnt the nature of the Castimonia Nostra, I have deleted their comments and my replies. Thanks for the heads-up.

    I’m a little confused about your comment that prostitution is “an illegal, misogynistic act” and your support for the rights on prostitutes to sell and punters to hire. Obviously prostitution isn’t illegal everywhere, and I’d suggest that hiring prostitutes isn’t inherently misogynistic. Sure, there are misogynists who visit prostitutes, but there are misogynists in monogamous relationships too. As you know, I have considered using prostitutes, and would actively like to in some respects, but that says nothing about how I personally feel about women. How I feel about sex, maybe, but about women, certainly not. Even if I were to visit prostitutes regularly, and it were public knowledge, I would be upset to think anyone regarded me as a misogynist – jeez, I have even been accused of being a feminist on occasions (which I find just as distasteful … but for entirely different reasons).

    • My point re: prostitution being illegal and misogynistic was that if they were going to advocate against something I could see why empirically.

      It is illegal here still, so, ok, help your members be law abiding, I guess, and it is a woman-hating enterprise when she’s doing it out of desperation or fear.

      I’m all for the happy hooker industry where she’s protected, insured, respected and the like with men who think of the exchange as titillating, not degrading (though, I won’t say it has to be because of BDSM culture and the consent of adults, etc, and my belief that very little is black and white).

      In any case, that’s what I meant initially. I do not support a secret, seedy, dangerous profession for women where they have no rights or freedom. If a hooker can carve out a different kind of experience for herself and her johns then more power to her and them. Otherwise, I’m not a big fan.

  4. i’d welcome the spam, if for no other reason to reply with a story about a good catholic god loving girl i once knew, who really knew how to suck cock. and my housemate’s cock. in fact, i might write that piece anyway.

  5. I’m surprised I didn’t receive anything from these people, given the inordinate amount of hate and scorn I receive for my blog. And I’m sorry you were on the receiving end of this bullshit. Not that I think you need condolences for this–you’re stronger than these wankers.

    Go with the good will of all Men behind you, Hyacinth.

    • Ha, me too! But you get your share of hate mail a it is. I don’t know how you put up with it as well as you do. I’m impressed, actually.

      And thanks. I stand fully behind you, sa well, my friend. Preferably with breasts pressed against you, but I’ll take the figurative version in this case ;)

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