Last night The Neighbor bore away the rubble that had become me. Tonight he has crushed me.
Dramatic, maybe, but I am beyond caring what I sound like.
He told me he was busy tonight and Friday, but he was free Thursday. I asked him what he was doing tonight and he said “working late.” We talked about Thursday, but I have plans with friends.
After I broke down last night I shared with him that I turned down a proposition from Kevin because I was focusing on him instead. I didn’t want to put him at risk of anything and why should I settle for mediocre sex when I could have amazing sex? He was humbled, honored, flattered, he said. I topped his list as best ever, too, he said.
Tonight I put on my bikini and robe, grabbed my spa keys and headed downstairs. I forgot my car keys to grab my smokes, so headed back up. Back down I went and while at my car below I heard, “clip, clop, clip, clop” from the third floor corridor. I looked up and saw two dark heads enter The Neighbor’s apartment from the back way.
My plans to sit in the tub dashed, I climbed the stairs with a thudding heart. The hallway was filled with the scent of musky vanilla. A scent I’ve remarked in The Neighbor’s hair at least twice before.
My heart stopped.
It fucking stopped.
It seemed to me I’ve smelled that perfume. In my lover’s hair.
When I’d teased him about it he’d said it was Herbal Essences.
I went out to my balcony for a smoke and immediately heard TN close his sliding glass door. I went back inside, and like a foolish little asshole put my ear to the wall. And then I heard her laugh. Vanilla Ice.
I texted him this:
I don’t know what to fucking do. He lied to me. I told him not to and he’s done it anyway and unless it’s an enormous coincidence that she douses herself in vanilla, he’s been seeing her for a while, then coming to my bed.
This wasn’t supposed to fucking happen.
I feel alone, awful, ripped apart. I had just last fucking night opened up to him, bared myself. LAST FUCKING NIGHT, PEOPLE!! LAST NIGHT!!! And now this.
I am the biggest fucking idiot known to man… I was better off a bitter, lonely libertine.