I’ve been taking care of my vagina all wrong.

The clinician had grey hair faded from blonde, pendulous breasts, and a no-nonsense clip to her speech. “That’s right: only use white, unscented Dove bars on your vagina and never use the same razor blade twice.”

I sat on the exam table with my dress around my waist — pantiless — a paper blanket draped over my lap. “How could I have gone my entire life without knowing this?!”

She smirked, shrugged and said motioning to my crotch, “Nothing fancy down there. Ever.”

Yes, ma’am.

I already knew never to douche and that our vaginas are beautiful, yet fragile little ecosystems of bacteria, ph levels, and hormones, but Dove “soap”? I thought we were supposed to stick to au natural things like real soap made from natural ingredients. Not shit that happened by accident trying to make something else.

And my longtime relationship with body hair removal had taught me to exfoliate first, wear panties as little as possible and use Tend Skin for ingrown hairs, but disposable razors?? What about the landfills? What about my quintuple razor I bought special just for my sweet pussy to get extra smooth?

Nope. Bad. All bad.

So, I went out and bought a $5 bag of those cheap ass pink disposable razors because god knows I don’t want any trouble down there. I haven’t brought myself to buy the Dove bar, yet, but per Boss Lady’s instructions, I’ve halted all fragrant washings of my little peach and just use clean water while I bathe.

I also bought a bunch of running shorts with breathable mesh linings.

The manatees and buffalo may hate my new habits, but my pussy sure won’t.

Like my new shorts?

26 thoughts on “I’ve been taking care of my vagina all wrong.

  1. Dove bar soap??? She probably thinks that taking your makeup off with cold cream and tissues is still the cutting edge of skin care. Wow, that sounds bitchy of me but damn!

    • Ooo, and the running shorts look great. With the mesh etc., will you be pantiless in those shorts? That seems so lovely and sensual.

      • …Sorry, was that sarcasm? It is still a hard bar soap, no matter the advertising or the misinformation. Besides a good deal of additional fat/oil, it is nearly the same recipe as Irish Spring. Your facial cleanser should be PH blah, blah blah, and blah blah blah and if you keep another bottle of it in the shower, you can use that. Apparently I’m bitchy and opinionated today. Yay, how joyous.

        Your pictures. The photo was filtered, not photoshopped. That is you. And you are stunning.

        You are in your heyday and the world is at your feet.

      • Depends on the current level of irritation. If there is none, then plain unscented/low fragrance skin friendly body wash (bar soap clogs pores & leaves a PH unfriendly film). If there is much irritation then something like Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser. The wound care section of the pharmacy would be where you can look.

        Now that I’ve been opinionated all over the place, did you want to say what you currently use and what you disliked about it? Or were you just curious about someone else’s thought’s on the subject?

      • I didn’t really have any questions about it. I use whatever bodywash on my bits and it changes. It’s currently some hippie shit that I love, but like I said, I’ve just been using water and it’s been fine so far.

        And it’s ok to be opinionated here!

      • Hippy stuff sounds great. You love it, and you are happy. The older woman got my back up with her attitude and out of date advice. You are kind to let me hijack this thread.

        Redirecting: Ms. Jones is gracefully jogging along the park path. She is breathing lightly. The wind and her gait gently tosses her hair. There is a slight sheen of perspiration to her skin, and her face is lit up with the joy of the day. …And Those Running Shorts are lovingly gripping her hips. The soft fabric surrounds her pussy, the mesh fabric letting the swish of air, puff softly over her bare skin….

  2. Whattttt? No, no. Keep using the natural stuff, my dear. If that’s what you like, do it. Plus it’s safer for that sensitive area. No processed chemical stuff necessary.

  3. The Gillette blue and green disposables with the lube strip are the best ones I’ve found for pussy shaving. After 1-2 shaves, they are still good for your legs a few times. Also, I love the Bikini Zone shave gel.

  4. hmmm, good to know…will have to try the disposable thing, but i already only use dove…i have very sensitive skin, especially there lol

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