The clinician had grey hair faded from blonde, pendulous breasts, and a no-nonsense clip to her speech. “That’s right: only use white, unscented Dove bars on your vagina and never use the same razor blade twice.”
I sat on the exam table with my dress around my waist — pantiless — a paper blanket draped over my lap. “How could I have gone my entire life without knowing this?!”
She smirked, shrugged and said motioning to my crotch, “Nothing fancy down there. Ever.”
I already knew never to douche and that our vaginas are beautiful, yet fragile little ecosystems of bacteria, ph levels, and hormones, but Dove “soap”? I thought we were supposed to stick to au natural things like real soap made from natural ingredients. Not shit that happened by accident trying to make something else.
And my longtime relationship with body hair removal had taught me to exfoliate first, wear panties as little as possible and use Tend Skin for ingrown hairs, but disposable razors?? What about the landfills? What about my quintuple razor I bought special just for my sweet pussy to get extra smooth?
Nope. Bad. All bad.
So, I went out and bought a $5 bag of those cheap ass pink disposable razors because god knows I don’t want any trouble down there. I haven’t brought myself to buy the Dove bar, yet, but per Boss Lady’s instructions, I’ve halted all fragrant washings of my little peach and just use clean water while I bathe.
I also bought a bunch of running shorts with breathable mesh linings.
The manatees and buffalo may hate my new habits, but my pussy sure won’t.