I miss my friend, Gillian.

So Gillian is gone, essentially dead to the internets. The woman we knew as Gillian Colbert, and who was the hub of our little community, evaporated into thin air like a ghost. And I miss her. A lot.

There was something special about her. Not only did she write gut-wrenchingly personal posts about self-discovery, the pain of her childhood abuse, and her struggle to rewire her maladaptive thinking, she was also delightfully pervy, open-minded and cheeky. She spread love everywhere.

Sometimes it was tough, sometimes it was gooey, but we all were blessed with a heaping coating of it from time to time on our crusty little blogs.

I feel her absence on my blog and on all of yours. Where is that calm, rational, big sisterly voice of reason, perversion, and a little circumstance? I never knew it was so important to me until it disappeared in a poof of smoke.

It’s made me think about everyone left behind, how much I care about all of you and your individual voices. I’ve mentioned before how much you all mean to me and how you’ve helped me hobble along during a period in my life that I’d sooner forget. Your words, little black footprints in my mind’s eye, are more powerful than I’d ever dreamed. Missing Gill (as I was wont to call her) reminds me that shit can get real even though most of it is worked through anonymous imagination and it makes me want to reach out and gather you all up in my arms and make sure you know how I feel about you.

If this is speaking to you at all, whether you have a blog or not, then you are one of those people I’m talking about. I want to get to know you all better and continue to be plugged in. It took me a while here on WP to really “get” what I had walked into. There were months of unreturned and unacknowledged comments because I didn’t really believe what I was reading. And then I got ushered into the arms of Gillian’s world and I finally saw what was right before me: friends. Good friends. Accepting, non-judgmental, kinky, wonderfully talented and perverted people, just like me with hearts and thoughts and many an opinion to spare and all more than willing to share and open up and be a part of my fucked up life.

So, I’d like to raise a glass to my dear, sweet friend, Gillian, whom I miss terribly, but also to whom I owe so much for putting me in front of you all. To Gillian, to you, me, and us, and to the wonderful world of 1s and 0s. I love you all dearly and, Gillian, I wish you the best up there in the stars with the other angels. You are good.



48 thoughts on “I miss my friend, Gillian.

  1. I with you there. WP seems eerily quiet without my Fairy Blog Mother. I hadn’t realised what percentage of the comments on my blog came from her. I think I must have got quite a lot of my readers through BDP so I’ve lost my Fairy Blog Pimp as well.
    But her departure does underline the transient nature of blogging. One day here, the next … pooof.
    Hope she’s ok anyway, wherever she is.

  2. Wow Hy, you definitely said it with eloquence. I miss her more and more each day. I did find so many connections through her. It was comforting to go about my visits and see that she had just been there or to return to a blog and read what her take was. The skill she had to intelligently and compassionately observe and respond to our posts was an essential link in the “little pervy community” she always referred to. I will keep a candle burning for her to come back. You’re a sweetheart for being so gracious and loving in what you said about the rest of us here. I don’t know how I would work through things if I couldn’t come here and relieve my brain by writing or gain perspective by reading. I hope to share more here for a long time. love, Jayne

  3. Dear Aunty Hy

    I doubt that there is a dry eye on the Internet today.

    Thank you so much for saying what a lot of us have been feeling for the last few weeks. I’m sure we all miss Gillian putting sense to our gibberrings, giving the the repost to our silly comments, all with a kind, or kinky, smile.

    I think the last time a group hug was suggested on Gillian’s pages, possibly by Cruel, she instantly came up with a picture to support it. I’m sure many of you remember it. I’d sure like a group hug just now for our departed friend. I miss her so.

  4. She really did/does have a gift….and I miss her too….I just became a new follower so I’m looking forward to reading your posts and maybe making new “friends” here as well. xoxo

  5. rotflmao Nick I do remember that post and If I remember correctly the picture was all guys. But she did love her gay porn :). I was speaking to another dear freind from WP last night and something came to mind. In the days following the end of BDP I gained a couple of followers. I think now that that was a direct result of the void that extends past the frequent posters and commenters whom we saw banter about on BDP. Nothing lasts forever but as true as that is the loss will be felt for qquite some time to come.

    Naked Group hug everyone !!!!!


  6. She was one my earliest Peekers™ and still to this day, even in her absence, has the highest number of comments on our blog. She still gets click throughs!

    But yeah, I miss Velma big time. BDP was the blog where all the bloggers hung out after blogging, just like a favorite nightspot or restaurant. When those who do choose yours to unwind, that is a compliment.

    • She has one of the highest number of comments on mine, too, and she’s been gone for two weeks! And yes, she was the Cheers of this pervy group, for sure ;)

  7. My Beautiful Gillian and Sexy Perv AM have been my blog parents, Sir Nick convinced me to comment other peoples blogs (like yours) and all of these things have changed something fundamental in my life. I thank her from the bottom of my shriveled heart for her encouragement, her friendship and her love. For bringing us all together.

    It’s like when someone dies, even coming home from the funeral, you still look for them, wanting to share thoughts with them there where they were before. I hope she is well where she is. No one deserves happiness more.

    Thank you Sweetest Hy for saying what I needed to say myself.


  8. Miss Hyacinth, you are a credit to your flower and your soul is as sweetly scented. What a lovely tribute. Wherever she is her arms are still there for you … believe that.

  9. OK – I’ll tell you whats happening with TN and 4am girl or whoever. He’s having sex but think about it. He’s not enjoying it as the devouring, relentless, animalistically driven sexual hound of hell that YOU brought out in him. Whatever her personality is mixed with his is the kind of sex they’re having so logically, mathematically speaking, he’s in remedial math right now. Don’t fret. You need a professor!

  10. It is weird when someone just up and vanishes like that when having an online presence was obviously a big part of her life.

    As for TN, he is reminding you of his true colors. This is who he is. Remember how he was always talking about other women and looking around even when he was with you? He was disrespectful and oblivious to your feelings. Fuck him. He is not worth your sadness.

  11. Yes. You, Gillian, LSM. You are the reasons I blog. She was so incredibly personal. I keep hoping she’ll be back. Without her, or you, or a few others, my personal blog journey would never have started.

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