I get what I want: Cum on my lips and giant cock in my pussy

Sam and the crew were searching for a money belt in Cheers when I drifted off to sleep on my couch.  I had spent the day loving and smiling and laughing and kissing soft, plump cheeks and hugging 60 year olds hello.  My life, so out of control and painful two months ago has careened back onto track.  My priorities are aligned with my heart, my heart is in cahoots with my mind.  I feel tall.  All 5 foot 5 of me.

The last two months have been 60-odd days of self discovery: wins and losses nearly every day and as many highs, lows, answers and questions in between.  My husband reunited with his girlfriend, The Neighbor left me for a drunk, then never actually left me; I burned out at work and decided to take a three-week hiatus to re-center; and most importantly, I finally saw Peyton standing before me in a beam of dusty sunlight glowing like an angel that had always been there to show me the way.  So I followed.

And here’s where I was tonight: laying on TN’s naked chest, his semen tingling on my lips and its heady fragrance filling my nostrils, my body limp and exhausted from multiple gut-wrenching, teeth-chattering orgasms, and me casually sitting up and saying, “Well, let’s get you outta here!”

At around 10 to 7 tonight I heard a knock on the door.  Of course I knew who it’d be.  Who fucking else could it possibly be??  It was TN in his swimming trunks.

“So!  Let’s go swimming!”

“Sorry, but no.  I have my baby.”

“Let’s all go!”

“No.  I’ve been torturing Peyton for over an hour with the promise of watching TV at 7.  There’s only 10 minutes to go.”

He pushed past me.  “Let me ask Peyton myself.”

“Ok,” I shrugged.  “Fine.”  I was fairly certain the answer would be No.

I told him Peyton was under my bed.  He quietly climbed on top and hung his head over.  “Hey, Peyton, wanna go swimming??”

“Yes!” came the little squeal.  Then, “Oh wait, No.  I wanna watch TV.”

TN looked at me.  “Can TV be watched after swimming??”

I shrugged again.  “Sure.”  They both smiled and laughed.

We played in the pool for an hour, the cool water only barely tolerable after a summer of bath-water was a strange brew in which to play.  It felt like odd magic.

Since the break up, I’ve not kept Peyton and TN separated.  During our entire relationship the two were in two separate columns and I’m ashamed to admit that I would manipulate the situation to finagle what I wanted out of it.  I would read one less book to Peyton at night in order to see TN sooner, I wouldn’t play as much in the pool when TN was around, or I would ask to be left alone by  my baby to the dirty privacy of my phone to send pictures or text.  But not anymore.

I am all me, all mama, all good Hy with Peyton no matter what TN wants from me.  Peyton comes first, my promises and my little one’s needs are all that matter.  Tonight in the pool I loved and kissed and tickled and played with my sweet angel.  I didn’t care if TN felt ignored or left out.  My heart swelled.  I felt strong and right.   Right.  I’ve never exposed this side of me to TN before.  It felt almost wrong to let him see the beauty that is my relationship with my child in the past, but now I’m flying my Mother Flag high and proud.

When I got cold enough I said it was time to go inside.  We all climbed the stairs and Peyton humorously slammed the door ahead of us to our home.  On my way inside I flashed TN one of my breasts.  I wanted him.  He wagged his eyebrows at me and we shut our doors.  It was really that clear.

Later, I simply texted him, “I want your cock in me tonight.”

My new perch lends me perspective and longsight.  I have no fear of rebuke or rebuff with a simple statement of what truly is.  I assumed I would be ignored or maybe propositioned.  Instead, I was goaded.  A good sign.  Then, KNOCK KNOCK.

I opened the door and he was clad in jeans and a t-shirt.  I was in a mens Hanes tank top and PJ shorts, my usual attire.  “So, uh, I’m going to the store.  Do you need anything??”

“No.”  I didn’t invite him in.  Peyton was watching TV around the corner and I had dinner on the stove.

“Are you sure??” and I follow his eyes which look down at his hand pointing at a prominent bulge in his pants.

“Oh…” I gasp and instantly lean into him with my hand, pressing my breasts against him.  He pulls me into him and I stand up straight.  The tip of his erection nestles in the cleft of my legs.  He pinches my breasts and the cool night air blows past my legs and curls around our limbs. His fingers nestle inside of me and gently work me.  I manage to say,  “Well, I’d like one of these then,” and I pull his buttocks towards me.

We break apart and he says, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.  Actually, I want two.”

And then I forgot all about it.  I read Peyton as many books as was asked of me, loved and kissed some more, turned on fans and turned off lights, plumped pillows, made promises of scaring off bad guys and headed back out to the living room.  I poured myself a glass of wine and sat down to watch more Cheers.

I don’t remember ever feeling so light-hearted in two years.

I laid down on my side and closed my eyes…

I woke up to a man standing over me, my nipple pinched between his fingers, his icy blue eyes looking heatedly down on me, his other hand on my shoulder.  “Hy…” he’s saying softly.

“Holy shit,” I say startled.  I sit up and shake my head, trying to get my bearings.  “Did you just get here??”

“Yes,” he says and stands up straight.  His crotch is mouth level and I see the bulge.  I lean forward and scrape my teeth along its length.  He groans and presses into my face.  I stand up and he lays down.  I wordlessly unbuckle his pants and release my hound.  It’s fat and pink and uncovered by one mere zip.

I lick and suck and moan and run my hands through his chest hair.  I bite his neck and kiss him with wild abandon.  His ardor matches mine lick and nip.  His hands roam over my taught thigh and arched back as I stand half-perched with him in my mouth.  I take his hand and pull him up.  I was tempted to grab his cock and lead him that way, but I was wary of the zipper on his exposed flesh.  Instead, I tug on his hand and we escape to my darkened room.

The closet light is on and casts a faint light on the bed.  We close the door and he rips my clothes off and crushes his mouth on mine.  I peel his shirt and jeans off without breaking contact and he backs me into the bed and pushes me down.  He pulls my bottom to the edge and slowly enters me.  He’s saying something, but I have no clue what it is.  All I can think is how badly I want his magic cock inside of me.  That I had orchestrated this.  That this is exactly what I want.  Nothing more from him.  Just his glorious. fucking. cock.

He leans into me and fills me to the brim.  I cry out and grab the edge of the bed but I can’t get purchase.  He angles me towards the headboard and we laugh as he moves me, plow-like through the sheets to be vertical on the bed.  “I’m plowing the plow!” he quips.  I get half a giggle out before he starts impaling me.

I grip the curved bars of my headboard for minutes as he buries himself in my throat via my cunt.  I cry and shake my head, beg him for release, for mercy, for more more more.  He calmly watches me with a smirk, my life narrowed down to snippets my lashes allow me to see between their fluttering: a beautiful face half-lit smiling down at me, broad shoulders casting me in shadow, hard thighs slamming into the soft undersides of my own, the wailing creak of my bed, the thought that I may snap a bar off in my hand, and then he cums long and hard inside of me grunting and panting.  His breath puffs on my sweaty neck.

He sits up then and I reach around and start to rub my clit.  It’s a new thing for me.  I’m so sensitive I can barely stand it.  It hurts.  As if reading my mind he leans over and grabs my vibe and hands me the sheet.  He leans back, still fucking hard and buried deep inside of me and starts to move as the vibrator sits gently on my mound.  With each thrust I’m taken higher and higher.

I lose all control and scream and yell and buck and clench down hard on him.  I cry and stammer.  My orgasm brought on by him, not the vibrator alone.  I toss it aside and convulse.  He holds me tenderly and with pride then sits up and silently hands me the vibe again.

We do it all over again. Faster this time, bigger, louder.  He’s still hard.  The world has melted down to the joining of our bodies, his shape looming over me and my cells.  Words cannot be found.  He hands me the vibe a third time.

I whisper, “I’m gonna die, TN.  I’m gonna die.  I swear.  I’m gonna die.”  I cry into his neck.

He assures me I won’t and  leans over me and only flexes his cock this time, gently.  He sits up briefly and holds one leg up and spanks me hard, switches legs and spanks the other flank again and again.  He lowers my legs and braces his arms on either side of me again and flexes inside of me; butterfly kisses stroke my walls.  I am encased in him in every way.  He’s to my left, right, above and in me.

I cum in under 30 seconds screaming my release and only barely thanking God that I have sound machines in Peyton’s room.  He makes to hand me the vibe a fourth time and I get hysterical.  He laughs and says he’s only joking and rolls off of me and pulls me into his arms.

“Well, I guess I’ll be going now!” he chuckles.

“OK,” I pant, totally serious.  But he doesn’t.  Instead he stays and we laugh at my loss of wits and marvel at his giant hardon.  I absent-mindedly stroke it as we talk about, literally, nothing.

“I’m not going to make you cum, but I’d really love to suck it.  May I?” I ask.  His tempting meat is more than I can resist.

“Be my guest.”

I lean on an arm and take him in my mouth.  I can taste the iron like tang of the remnants of my period on him.  Like a paper cut.  I tell him so when he asks.  “Well that’s appealing,” he observes acerbically.

“Eh, fuck it.  It’s all good,” I retort.  “It’s just our bodies.  No biggie.”  And really, it wasn’t.  I was lapping up the remnants of my very essence, the thing that makes me a woman: my very blood.  I began to mew as his erection grows even bigger in my mouth and hand.  I position myself between his parted legs and get scissored in their vice as his pleasure mounts.  He begins to pant.

I pause to let him catch his breath and look at him, smiling with the head between my teeth.  He rolls his eyes back in his head and groans.  I fall back down on him and he immediately tenses, closer now than when I’d stopped.  I stop after bringing him closer two more times before he finally grabs my head and slams my face down on his shaft and spurts his delicious cum down the back of my throat.

His cock lays glistening on his belly, near his navel and I lick it from stem to stern and trail kisses up his chest and leave semen-scented kisses on his neck and jaw.  ‘You taste delicious,” I murmur.  He grabs my head and kisses me with an open, eager mouth.

“I taste like chlorine!” he laughs.

“Well, you’re not supposed to drink the pool water!” I laugh back.

Then we lay in each other’s arms and I continue to stroke his dancing, bulging erection.  “Does this ever go away??”

“Not when there’s a beautiful naked woman around.”

“Mmmm,” is all I can muster and then I sit up.  “Well, let’s get you outta here!”

He seems startled, but this was part of my plan all along.  I was not going to wait to be left.  I was going to hit the eject button first.  This is part of putting what I want first: Peyton, then me.  And right then, I wanted the control.

He follows me out of bed and makes more jokes about why don’t we fuck all night or don’t I want him to stay the night??  Things tripped out of his mouth that ordinarily would have made my heart skip a beat, but tonight I flatly ignored.  He was grappling for control back, but I was not going to relent.  It was mine.  Today was mine.  Tonight was mine.  All of this is now mine.  Take it or leave it.

I walk him to the door and he says, “You owe me $150 for that.”

“For what??”

“For all those orgasms.”

“You owe me!  No mere mortal woman can make you cum then suck you off.”

“Oh, right.  Ok, I’ll give you $50 then.”  He smiles at me and turns around in the dark entryway to face me.  “C’mere, Hy.  Let’s hug!” and he pulls me into his arms.  I hug him back fiercely with a beaming grin on my face and grab his lush ass.

He tosses out some more jokes, half-truths, and I see it all so clearly.  He’s trying to regain the upper hand, keep me off-balance, but what I don’t tell him is that with each half-truth and little joke he erodes any trust I have in him.  I don’t know why he’d want to do that.  “I’ll always believe you, you know,” I warn him.  “That’s who I am.”

We say good night and I twirl as I shut the door.  The night is glorious, 65 degrees and black, nearly starless.  Black Angels is playing on Pandora and my heart soars as my own little angel sleeps in the other room.  It’s getting better now.  Truly, truly better.

35 thoughts on “I get what I want: Cum on my lips and giant cock in my pussy

  1. Sometimes it seems like simply control (of self, and of our situation) is the key to happiness. Or at least a solid foundation.

    • Control is such a touchy word. No one ever really has control over anything, it’s more our perception and how we feel about something and then how we behave. I’m behaving AS IF I had control, but let’s be real, I’m still just Hy. A horny, lonely woman looking for love :) xx Hy

  2. I see the personal strength returning. The addiction seems fully dissipated. You are almost there, Babe. Congratulations. I’m very happy for you and where you are.

    Mike

      • The best thing about this post was that you put Peyton first…..and you’re right…rearranging priorities for your child, then you….all will fall into place and make you remember what really matters. Whether or not TN remains in the pecking order shall be seen…but if you hang onto your priorities…well who knows? Congrats on a great day/night!!

    • The addiction is still there, lurking beneath the surface. She’s not out of the woods yet, but she’s getting closer every day. You’ll know that she’s made a serious turn toward fuck-him-ville when she starts really dating someone else or when she hasn’t had sex (or gropings) with TN for six weeks.

      Don’t get me wrong- she’s doing sooooooooooo much better, and I give her high marks for starting to take control of her destiny- but this kid is still a fucktard and an asshole. She’s choosing not to write about most of that just now, I think because he’s annoying her. Which, again, is good. Every day she sees a little more of the parts of him she doesn’t enjoy.

      Hy needs real love!! I know there is a badass guy out there who will fill her pussy AND her heart.

      • Ha! SIX weeks, Ella! Gimme a break! I say 4 and I’ll be happy.

        And here I go defending him again, but take out all the stupid shit between us and he’s still a decent kid. Neither of us have been our best in this.

        Regardless, I like this new phase between us.

        And Ella, I meant to add a post script thanking you for your two cents last night. So, thank you!! xx Hy

      • A decent chap he may well be, but I don’t think he’s been consistently decent to YOU, and that is what matters to me.

        I said 6 because I knew after last night that your goal was 4.
        Just keeping you on your toes!!!!

  3. Love love love. I know this probably isn’t the forum for it. But I would be interested in reading more about the dusty glowing realization that you weren’t giving enough to Peyton.

    I found your blog two months ago, I’ve told you how it speaks to me. I have always seen you as strong. But now I really see such growth, all I can be is thankful to be a bystander to this.

    And maybe when he sees that undying love and devotion to your baby and gets a chance to fall in love with that side of you, his opinions on being with someone with kids will change. So if that ever happens and you choose to accept his love, its gold.

    • Thanks, G. I plan on writing about it some more because it’s figuring more prominently in my sexual life.

      And maybe you’re right about TN. Who knows? But, much like I stopped trying to make my mother happy when I realized no matter what I did wouldn’t do the trick, I’m going to focus on what makes ME happy and go from there. So long as I do that, I literally can’t lose.

      • In life’s ironic sense of torturous humor, you’ll be done with TN at the same time he’s fallen in love with you. Doesn’t life straighten out like that sometimes? The more you are all of who you are without the slightly obsessive focus of wanting of TN, the more of a leading force, stronger and more authentic within yourself, he follows your lead instead of trying to steer clear of your own wanting of him as he did before. That relationship dynamic is mercurial. It’s time for my second cup of coffee to fully awaken so take that for my .02 babe but I say you are getting it all right – life and TN.

      • One cup… and one orgasm ; ) Who knows, maybe you’ll be a more fortified version of yourself which in turn makes him lose his guard and man up to being in a real relationship. Then you two fall cock over clit in love. (The fairytale part of that was brought to you by the lilting of reality that orgasms cause) Part of it could be foretelling – who knows?!

      • Underneath it all, I’m always a romantic – its just here, I spew what bothers and irritates the romantic side. omg – I’m a stupid romantic. I believe that if life can turn on a dime with my/your emotions in the trunk as it careens into a river…it can also break through realities unbeknownst to my own earthbound plane with me in its arms. …sounds like poem to be written .

  4. You sound happy, with a little sadness, but no regrets about how you chose to live your life. I hear freedom and joy in your words. When was the last time you felt so grounded?

    I want to throw a party, drench you in confetti (an eco-safe one, don’t worry), dump balloons on you, route a parade past your home, release the doves and say, “well done!”

    Big hugs ~

  5. With every sentence, I can actually feel you becoming stronger with your resolve. It’s kind of like the moment before the big wave…yes! yes! oh god YES!

    Also, I’m happy for your kid. It’s more mom-time, he/she gets :]
    I think TN just needs to see how awesome that side of you is…

  6. Remember what I said. Focus on this positive, not the murky and obscure “let’s see how long this lasts”. Don’t put energy in to things you don’t want to happen.

    Also- doctors orders- you can NOT ask for a repeat performance tonight. If he shows up anyway, fuck his brains out. You can tell him you need more dick tomorrow though. :-)

    • Yes’m. Kevin texted tonight with the possibility of a foursome, and if not that, he says he wants to fuck me senseless regardless. Not surprisingly, I’m apathetic. We’ll see :)

      Also, TN is gonna hit balls with me and the new crazy (& hot) girl tonight. I will be quietly observing… When it was just me and him he said no, when I said sex be there he said yes. But that could really just be a function of batting practice- you really need a third.

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