My political career is ruined: I have too many tit pics on the internet.

image

New.

I read something recently that made me sit up straight. Liza, a fellow secret sex blogger, relayed her experiences behind the velvet ropes of writing about a private sex life for an anonymous audience. She wrote for xoJane about the stress of having a secret blog and the pressures to share nude photos (emphasis mine),

The easiest way to get more [traffic] meant traveling a path I resisted. There is tremendous pressure on women sex bloggers to show our bits to the world, to prove we aren’t hideous hags, and to fuel reader fantasies. I’m no prude, but we all have limits, and sharing naked pics on the internet is mine.

On one hand, I proved sex blogging can be sexy without sharing naked snapshots. On the other, I suspect some in the sex blogger world never took me seriously because I refused to take off my clothes. I’m glad I’ve never posted nude photos, and I’m glad the people who do take me seriously are the people who appreciate what I write. I’ve saved countless emails and comments in which readers share how my writing moved them and helped them evince a change in their own sex lives, and that feels amazing.

photo 1

Old.

First, I don’t feel pressure to expose myself because, by nature, I am an exhibitionist. Call me slutty, trampy, easy, whatever, but the fact remains, I enjoy showing off my body for no other reason than the thrill of it.

My traffic is the same whether I post nudie pics or not. In fact, some of my most-commented-on and/or popular posts are image-less (Sometimes, I want to shut it all down, I fucked a stranger. While blindfolded. And I was watched., He takes me for granted, and I know how to squirt) or rated PG (Holding my breath, Please excuse my vanity, and Neither of us could resist), therefore I feel as though exposing myself is entirely my choice, not something I have to do to feel taken seriously or to increase my traffic.

And second, I suspect I am no less respected or shown less interest from the sex-blogging community because sometimes I choose to keep it wrapped up; some of my favorite blogs on the planet use only their words (You Linger Like a Haunting Refrain, Leah Lays London, Theo Black, and Story of Alice).

I share my body with you, the world, most simply because I can and want to. It’s naughty, it’s dangerous, it’s exhilarating, liberating, and a big, fat turn on. It may also come as no surprise that I need the feedback.

image[1]

New.

What I get from posting pictures of my body is a sense of self outside of my own head. I see who I am to others reflected in comments and positive words and a passionate kiss from a man who was lucky enough to see the pixels of me earlier that day on his phone. I admit that this is an unconventional approach to a self-esteem, but it works for me.

I reject the notion that I must be all I need to myself, that I should feel beautiful and desirable all on my own. I believe it’s a personal equation for all of us of self and other. It may be that my “other” is a bigger portion than your other, but I’m ok with that. It’s working for me.

I am hanging out to dry every last stitch of my dirty laundry and it is cathartic, titillating, and never-endingly fascinating work. It feels natural to be this open. It’s who I am. Therefore I share my body, in part I suspect, because I am an “attention whore” as N. mentions in his Top 10 Reasons Sex Bloggers Blog Sex. Perhaps that’s the easiest way of categorizing myself — I did just admit to needing attention, after all.

N. could be onto something:

9) We’re exhibitionists who get off on revealing in public what usually is private.

8) We’re attention whores.

20130521-080604.jpg

New.

Which brings me to a larger issue in general about exposing oneself online: it is regarded as negative, full stop.

I have used the words “attention whore,” admitted to knowing I may be regarded as “slutty, trampy, easy, or whatever,” and it is implied that I may not be taken as seriously as a real writer because I remove my clothing.

Keeping our bodies hidden from public view is culturally normal in most industrialized countries, but we’re not “culturally normal” here, are we? We read and write about sex when we’ve been raised to believe it is a private act between one woman and one man.

Current cultural mores of our time mean we never express ourselves outside a hetero- monogamous cisgendered norm — or the bedroom — but around these parts, that’s not what we are and it’s certainly not what I am. I am a bisexual, relationship-flexible, sex-positive woman, writer, and exhibitionist. And I show lots of T and A.

I find it odd that a politician can survive sketchy political behavior, even illegal, but if his penis is found on the internet, he is ruined. I shudder to think what would happen to a female politician in a similar situation. She would be labeled “whore” (as if that’s such a bad thing) and every smart, intelligent thing that ever came out of her mouth would be ignored in the shadow of her naked tits because we are uncomfortable with anyone sharing their body with someone outside the confines of a bedroom.

IMG_5430

Old.

The message we’ve received about nudity is that it is bad.

It’s partly why I started the Boobday project, to show other people out there that sharing your body with others is a powerful statement of choice, power, and sensuality, that it is a compelling instrument of personal emotional change and acceptance and it doesn’t have to be regarded with such side-eye. It’s not trashy.

I am a size 12, have stretch marks and cellulite and I enjoy exposing my body to strangers. Why a person’s life should be ruined because they express sensuality via an image is completely beyond me.  And why nudity somehow devalues the work it resides next to also escapes me.

To all the politicians of the world, I say, “Just make sure the recipient is trustworthy and don’t include your face or any defining markers!”

But I respect anyone who chooses not to — it works for them — and even I am not so open and free as some. I have hard limits, too: I never show any part of my pussy or pubic hair.

I reserve that for trusted lovers only, men who have seen it with their own eyes. I need to keep something forever hidden from the internet’s prying eyes. I share so much with you all here, I need something of just my own and I have decided it’s explicit photos of my naked body, my vagina, in particular. It’s mine, not yours.

photo

New-ish, with some hyacinth blooms.

Sharing naked images is whatever you make of it. For me, it bolsters my self-esteem and empowers me, delivers me attention I crave and provides a platform for discussion of body image, lust, and creativity. I feel no less a creative because I use my naked body in posts. It’s another level of expression, a different kind of art.

And I find those who choose to keep their bodies private for their own lovers no less delectable or interesting. Different strokes for different folks and all that. My only wish is that we could all feel wholly comfortable with our decisions, never pressured and never judged.

I’m curious to learn why others post pictures. Is Liza alone in feeling pushed to post nudity or am I the anomaly? The results will be skewed, I’m sure, since I participate in a fairly nekkid community of writers (and readers) these days. I wish I could put this out to the world at large to see what they would say, but alas, only a certain portion of the population would ever Google “How to squirt” or “I want to fuck my neighbor.”

[Ed. Note: I chose those snippets of Liza’s post because I didn’t relate to them at all. I don’t believe she’s deliberately implying anything about those of us who post pics, but it reads that way each time I go over her entire post.

I have no issue with her feelings about her own blog and herself in it; her piece just inspired me to clarify my own motivations for being such an exhibitionist and why I post naked pictures of myself.

I also wanted to make clear that I felt like my writing was strong enough on its own and that the pics are purely for my emotional benefit, not for traffic’s sake.

I think she’s a talented writer and she shares a rare writing point of view with a smaller number of sex-bloggers, but she certainly doesn’t speak for all of us — not that that was what she was trying to do.]

118 thoughts on “My political career is ruined: I have too many tit pics on the internet.

  1. I post pictures as a “retaliation” for all the folk (and there were plenty) who have called me a minger/mutt/ugly fucker etc over the last 30 years or so. The comments I get on my pics have mostly been of praise so maybe I’m not as bad as I’ve been led to believe I am.

    • 1. What Justarandomscot said.
      2. You have a child and you still look THIS fabulous!??? I hate you. ;)
      3. I post pictures because I want the attention and I feel comfortable with my body to show ‘the public’ that we’re not all white, skinny minnies. It’s something I can’t post in my ‘public’ non-secret life, so I do it here.
      4. There will always be judgement, even from people who say “I don’t judge you.” As much as one may want to seem ‘above it’ or ‘open-minded,’ there’s always preconceived thoughts/opinions about someone. The onus is on them to either accept who you are (and your blog and what you do/not write about) or not.

      • Girl, I only post the good pics of me!! I’m 10lbs heavier than when I started this blog and feeling it!

        I think posting or not posting pics is entirely up to the blogger doing it. It feels weird to read somewhere, however, “I’m proud of myself for not posting pics to increase my traffic.” There’s a loose implication there that those of us who do are looking for numbers when it may not be true at all.

  2. The world would be such a happier place on so many levels if we just stopped comparing ourselves to others and simply enjoyed ourselves and our lives. If you like being naked, Hy, be naked. If another doesn’t, don’t. It’s just so simple. Why must we make it complicated with analysis, condemnation, envy, jealousy, greed and every other emotion arising from the comparison.

  3. Thank you for listing my story as one of your favourite blogs on the planet! Purrr!

    I love your photos and I’m very pleased you share them. Quite simply, they make it easier to picture the steaming hot things you do. They also make it easier for us, your internet boyfriend, to lavish some love on your beautiful curves.

    With respect to my blog, this might sound crazy, but I believe that readers can picture me with a striking degree of accuracy, despite the absence of any photos. I think I write the way I look. I also think I dropped enough hints about the colour of my skin, the size of my boobies, my height. Now that’s a funny question, as one of my most faithful readers, what do you think I look like? xoxo

    • You’ve posted a lot of pictures of dark haired, pale, slender women with the note “Not me, but could be,” so I have a good guess :). And you’re right, you do write like how you look. Now, picking out of a lineup would be much harder. xx Hy

  4. Hi Hy!
    The thing is, one would never know how f-ing exhilarating posting nude photos (or sending them to someone in particular) can really be unless they try it. Who would want a mayor without the balls to send a few dick pictures?

    In real life, I’m not much of an exhibitionist but I do thrive on attention…so no, I don’t think you are abnormal at all. I would probably post some photos of moi if I had kept my secret garden more secret. C’est la vie!

    Je t’embrasse Belle Hyacinth,
    Dawn

    • Strange… my response to this didn’t go through it seems.
      I’m also not an exhibitionist in real life (at least, not anymore). It is thrilling to share and attention feels might fine, I admit.

      You are wonderful, sweet Dawn. xx Hy

  5. What pressure? Of all the women I follow here and they’ve showed their tits, ass, pussy, whatever, none of them have ever mentioned any pressure being applied or that they do these things to pump up their numbers on their blog. The way I see it, if they show us their goodies, it’s because they want to; being able to do this satisfies something inside of them or it’s the rush of being naughty, you know, doing that thing that you’ve been told never to do, oh, like show everyone your tits?

    Okay, no real secret that women like compliments, right? So if you show your tits on your blog and people come along and tell you that you have nice tits – and you do, by the way – then what’s the big deal? It’s your blog and unless WordPress kicks you to the curb or something, what things you present of yourself on your blog is your business and if you think, feel, and/or believe that you’re not doing it because you’re some wild-assed attention whore, then who dares to say anything different? If it works for you – and in whatever way it does – then what’s the problem?

    If other folks have a problem, well, uh, they don’t have to read your blog, do they? That statement makes a lot of assumptions and, obviously, I don’t agree with them and, to me, it creates a problem where none existed before because if there is pressure taking place here, who or what is applying it? And then, why would a woman succumb to such pressure?

    • What pressure, you ask? Not long after I began blogging and establishing a Twitter following, I received scads of tweets, emails, blog comments, and other contacts requesting that I post or personally send explicit photos. I never meant to imply that women who willingly and joyfully post nude selfies are caving to pressure. But there is pressure out there to share nudes, and I know that I lost followers from time to time because I refused (nicely, but still). The guidelines I set for myself are mine, and I never meant to suggest they should apply to anyone else, and I’m very sorry it appears that way.

      • I understand and, yeah, YOU get to set your guidelines and even though you might get requests to see more of you, well, they can ask all they want to – doesn’t mean you or any other woman has to cave in. And if you lose followers because you won’t cave in, well, that’s their problem and not yours and, really, if they want to see more, there are porn sites that are a lot more accommodating, right?

  6. Liza’s writing was always so FUCKING hot, I never felt like she needed pictures. I feel the same way about yours. Having said that, I do fully appreciate the parts of yourself you’ve shared photos of – you’re SO lovely.

    I haven’t read Liza’s full thing (I do intend to) but the quotations here imply she’s looking at bloggers who do share photos as less than in some fashion. Like we resort to photos because our writing isn’t enough. I hope I’m reading that wrong and the complete post of hers will tell me so.

    • I chose those snippets of her post because I didn’t relate to them at all. I don’t believe she’s deliberately implying anything about those of us who post pics, but it reads that way each time I go over her entire post.

      I have no issue with her feelings about her own blog and herself in it; her piece just inspired me to clarify my own motivations for being such an exhibitionist and why I post naked pictures of myself.

      I also wanted to make clear that I felt like my writing was strong enough on its own and that the pics are purely for my emotional benefit, not for traffic’s sake.

      • Thank you so very much. You are very kind. Btw, I put a post script at the botto

        m of my post which is basically my last response to you. The last thing I want anyone to think is that I’m taking a pot shot at her personally.

      • I read her full post, and I still feel the same way. I feel like she (whether intentionally or not) views people who post photos as sheep who can’t write as well. I’m sad about that because I really, really like her and have missed her presence.

      • You’re not alone in your view. I certainly took issue with the implication and as a moderately successful blogger (though my numbers aren’t as high as hers) I wanted to point out that traffic (for me) isn’t dependent on pics of me.

        And there’s a conflict buried in her article: she’s ok with posting explicit photos of *other* women on her blog, but somehow it’s no reflection on her traffic, however, if she posts a pic of herself then she’s milking the traffic cow? It makes no sense. (And, yes, the unspoken part of her feelings is that anyone who does, is.)

        That every visitor to her blog is word-driven simply isn’t true. By her own words she spent hours searching for just the right image to be titillating and sexy as possible.

        It was just an awkwardly written piece. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that any negative message I’m picking up is purely accidental and unintentional.

      • Anisa,
        I can’t find your email, otherwise I would respond privately. I’m sorry you understood my piece that way, but clearly you aren’t the only one, and it looks like I have some explaining to do. I do not believe that people who post nude photos are sheep who can’t write, but I fully understand why you and others I like and respect read it that way. I am gathering my thoughts for a more discursive post. I do feel frustrated and misunderstood, but it’s my own fault and I will strive to correct and clarify.
        L.

      • I don’t email other bloggers anymore – that’s how all my mess started. But thanks for your response, and for getting ready to clarify what you mean. I didn’t want to take what you were saying personally, but in your exploration of your own intentions it came off as critical of those who don’t have the same intentions. And of course, I don’t think you’re that kind of girl. Wishing you the best.

  7. Like the lovely Alice I am both very grateful to be listed as one of your favorite blogs (you are such a doll) and I do believe that if readers paid attention they probably already know what I look like. Whether they choose to believe it or not is… entirely up to them. The one photo I’ve posted on my blog is in black and white (for good reason) but I suppose that doesn’t help.

    I really like this post, Hy. One, it is very thought provoking and insightful (and with lots of beautiful pictures of you, Miss) and two, it is very relevant to me personally, because it is something I have found myself sort of struggling with lately–that pressure to post photos. It’s not a pressure because I’m nervous I won’t be found sexy, it’s not even a pressure because of Sir (lately he’s been a bit more understanding of my exhibitionist streak). You know, by nature we bloggers must be exhibitionists, even if only write words.

    But as I come closer and closer to realizing my career my paranoia and fear begin to spiral out of control. I go through old posts and erase identifying information; I delete some entirely. The weight of what I have done here, when very soon I will have to pass a top security clearance is very heavy on my shoulders.

    I like racy and explicit photos, as much as I love writing of my explicit exploits, but Sir is the sole recipient of the naughty photos of me, and it has to stay that way, in spite of any desire I may have to the contrary.

    • But of course! And you’re right, I have a fuzzy image of you in my head (and I certainly remember the b&w pic you posted, too).

      So where is the pressure coming from for you? I’m not quite clear on that. Is it more of a conflict because you want to post pics, but can’t for fear of discovery? xx Hy

      • It’s from that. It’s from readers (though not necessarily a negative pressure) because you know… I am curious as a kitten as well, and so when people ask, when readers ask, I feel that tiny bending of the will because I’m curious and an attention whore too, before I have to put my foot down. And also there is a pressure to keep the blog fresh and exciting. I’m all holier than though I write this for myself, blah blah… but at the end of the day, I value feedback, conversations, etc. Sometimes I feel like if I don’t post pictures, I’m not keeping things new and exciting.

        Every experience I share with Sir is new and exciting to me, but how many times can I write about a spanking before it becomes old hat? Who knows. I’m paranoid and anxious by design, so I could be completely wrong.

        xoxo

      • I was actually going to suggest that you two connect when I saw Fay’s post about 15 minutes ago (but then I had to stuff my face first).

      • Ah, yes, that internal pressure to keep it fresh. I understand that one well. I similarly wonder how many shots of my tits in that *one* pose I always do or how many posts about how TN made me cry with his cock will end up being boring as all hell.

        And then, I hit my wall: I won’t take explicit photos of my vagina nor will I open up about the other aspects of my life (both of which would be fresh as fuck). So I go back to the drawing board and try WRITING in a new way. I change a tense, I search for new words. I love what Alice has done by reversing her story, starting at the end and I plan on doing something like that. I’m even considering recycling old posts to reacquaint readers with the old Hy so they know the current one even better. It’s fresh in its own way. I’ve also begun playing with the timer on my camera to get new angles of what I’m willing to share.

        All this to say, I know that pressure to do something you’ve said No to if only to push your own creative boundaries, but a boundary is a boundary: it’s not to be crossed and there’s usually no going back (I had a similar experience when I decided to show my nipples and nude body — no regrets, btw).

        But I’ve never considered it “pressure.” It’s just been part of my process. Calling it pressure seems like a mislabel somehow, it’s more like an urge to keep things fresh in my mind.

        You da bomb, Fay. Thanks for this insightful reply. xx Hy

  8. I’m really glad you shared this it. I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a while but haven’t felt comfortable opening up. Sure I’ll let the Internet people see a close up of my ass, but tell them why i’m naked is far too revealing. I think I’m brave enough to do it now. But I’m a slow writer so it may take some time . . .

    I was especially drawn to your statement “posting pictures of my body is a sense of self outside of my own head.” One of the reasons I’m naked is because I want people to see what I want them to see and how I want them to see it, its a weird thing I have going on in my head that I’ll need to explore to put the words down correctly.

    Thank you for this, and thank you for your beautiful words and images. Being an honest and uncensored blogger opens up a level of nakedness that takes exhibitionism to a level where it becomes an artistic endeavor rather than just another average slutty sex blog.

    (and, Internet People, don’t take that wrong, i love slutty too)

    • Thanks, Ella. People are going to think whatever they want about my motivations unless I tell them. Because I expose myself, I understand on a different level than most why others might do it, as well. If I get more traffic because of my tits, that’s cool, but it’s by no means the point. Others may do it solely for the traffic and some may do it for an entirely different reason — Scot (of @justarandomscot) says it’s in retaliation against the assholes who said he was no good, for example.

      I’m very interested in learning why it is that you do it. It’ll be fun to see behind the curtain you have drawn. :)

      And thank you for your kind words. I try hard to make this an artistic endeavor. xx Hy

  9. Oh Hy… the synchronicity of the universe! I recently was offered the chance at a fetish photo shoot. Not because I’m a model (I have the stretch marks and cellulite to prove this) but because of our blog. Mutual promotion and exposure and all that, but it has also made me really look at my motivation for participating. I haven’t decided for certain if I’ll do it, but I want to be clear in my own mind as why. Maybe after all this consideration it doesn’t really matter in the end. It’s my decision. End of story. <3 ~Heather

    • When you say, “it has also made me really look at my motivation for participating,” what do you mean, exactly? That you aren’t naturally attracted to that kind of project or you are? And like I’ve said, you can post pics or not, it doesn’t matter. We like your content.

      And it’s the extremely rare blog that is image-less entirely. Even bloggers who don’t post pics of themselves find extremely explicit photos of others to post — which is ironic, honestly. xx Hy

  10. I don’t think it’s an unconventional approach to self esteem at all. :) and I’m glad you do it. There is part of me that wants to do the same. But the part that longs for security keeps me from doing it. :)

  11. First and foremost – You have a gorgeous body – I think you should take those references to NOT being like that crossfit woman ( Mrs Green) out of your vocabulary. I think the one major take away I’ve received from you and others here, is that our bodies are as beautiful as we choose to see it…and we are too critical about our own bodies.
    You started showing more photos when we all became your Internet Boyfriend ( a damn great idea as far as using the blog for yourself! ) and to add to what Ella said about being uncensored …I’ve been ruminating on the fact that many people do not, will not consider being as open, or being as willing to expose their INSIDES – forget their bodies. There is freedom in that exposure. Be it photos or words – something is expanded which allows others to have the room to feel comfortable and accepting. I think THAT is what your pictures have been to me. Unfortunately, there are those who are not ever going to be self reflective about their own judgements to truly understand the root of their prejudices against nudity or keeping emotions buried or dead. Some people don’t dare to look inside themselves and explore their own minds. I hate to say it, but I think that describes the majority rather than the minority.

    • Thanks, Jayney. Only the best get posted, though, remember?? And some of those were from a year ago when I was 10lbs lighter *sigh*

      But to your bigger point, yes, I did start posting more pics about the time I named you all IBF. I was down to only one man receiving my pics and he wasn’t very good at giving feedback (he’s much better these days, though!).

      I’ve never really thought about how much I expose of my insides until some of the commenters pointed it out. It’s true, I do and you’re right, there is a lot of freedom there. xx Hy

      • listen, seriously, and you probably already know this, but when you look back at your pics in the future, when you’re much older, you will slap yourself at the negative commentary about your fit luscious body. It’s easier to show your body than your soul, especially when it’s hurting or “darker” and you bare yourself with intelligent and reflective insight. You show all facets of human emotions and I think that’s what makes you real.

  12. I have just discovered the world of online blogging and in particular, sex blogs. I praise all the women for sharing their stories and their pictures.

    I agree that there are a lot of prudes out there that don’t agree with the sharing of these stories and pictures and find it offensive. If you don’t like it, change the channel and watch something else. This certainly is not hurting anyone (yes there are some out there sharing their cheating stories but its not hurting the population as a whole). There is a choice. That’s the great thing with this big ol crazy world, we have lots of choices and as humans we have brains to weigh the options and make those choices.

    I love to see the naked female form. It’s beautiful. From the skinny Minnie’s to the big, beautiful women, they are all sexy. None of the women should be afraid to express themselves however they choose. Let your breasts free! Release your pussy from captivity! If this is something that you enjoy, go for it and allow the rest of us to admire your bodies as well.

    • There are lots of choices, definitely! In this subcategory of blogging we (sex bloggers) typically are quite open-minded folks and are a very sharing bunch :)

  13. I love this post. I’m not a sex blogger, in fact I’m a family blogger which is why I can’t show or indulge in certain things I’d like to! I’m taking part anonymously in naked Wednesday thanks to Emma from dirty little whispers and I can’t wait. I like to know that even thougj I’m settled with kids and a husband others would not find my body unattractive! I also understand the self esteem aspect you talk about. Sorry for waffling!

    • You didn’t waffle at all!

      And you’re welcome to participate anonymously in Boobday, as well! I’ll make a special exception for you this week if you can get me a pic this afternoon (I typically close submissions on Wednesdays). If not, there’s always next week’s Boobday!

  14. I do find it odd and disturbing that nudity is seen as something so downright negative that even women breastfeeding are sometimes looked down upon.
    My sister is an exhibitionist, but she had body image issues her whole life and the sex blogging community is giving her such positive feedback that she is now embracing her physical self. That is such a great and positive thing.
    I don’t feel pressured, to show my body just because I blog about sex. However, I have posted two pictures that show a lot of skin. I don’t have the body issues that my sister has, it was more for the artistic reasons. Regardless of our reasons for showing, both of our bodies are beautiful and nudity is nothing to be ashamed about.

    • Well put and I totally agree! Lots of us have struggled with self-esteem and body issues throughout our lives and having the courage to disrobe in front of an audience is liberating. And we’re lucky enough to participate in a subcategory of blogging that is warm and welcoming. There’s a lover of every kind of body type out there and they are never shy about expressing their appreciation. :)

  15. I’ve never felt pressured to do anything. It was simply a matter of wanting to show off. I’m selective in what I show, but the number of hits I get isn’t changed by a present of a picture of myself. Though I’ve taken to making the photos private so only a select few can see them

    • Showing off feels good! Which reminds me, how’s that gorgeous body of yours doing? You said you were going to whip it “back into shape,” though it looked amazing to me!

      • I’m still being lazy. Work started up and I haven’t had a chance to get to yoga like I wanted to. Starting a diet next week though. I like my body, but it gets extra curvy fast.

  16. With a lovely pair like yours, I’m very glad that you are willing to share these intimate images of your attractive and sexy body with us. I think that your writing is well expressed enough that what you write could stand alone without the photos, but I’m glad that you’ve included them.

  17. I’m a bit late to the party but I wanted to through my two cents in anyway.
    1) you have a very attractive figure and am glad you are willing to share that with your readers.
    2) I read a good number of blogs where writers share pictures of themselves and ones who don’t. Comparing the two is like trying to compare apples to oranges. Each one carries merits on it’s own, adding pictures does not make it or break it.
    3) A while back there used to be a blog called HNT (Half Naked Thursday) folks; men or women could send in pictures and they would be anonymously posted or their blog name would be attached. This helped a good number of people both M and F who had some self esteem issues regarding their bodies and/or it gave the exhibitionists a way to show off without having their name attached.

    Keep doing what you do, you’re not the only one who wouldn’t be able to run for office ;-)

    • 1) Thank you, Sir.
      2) It is like comparing apples to oranges.
      3) Posting pics of myself (and dating shit tons) has helped repair my self-esteem immeasurably.
      And thanks! I will! xx Hy

  18. Christ, Hy, I’m trying to read this post and it’s got more pictures than any post of yours ever. I get through a paragraph and Oh! Hey, nice! And then a sentence or two and Whoa, good shot there…
    I didn’t finish reading this one, I was too distracted, but based on the merits of your writing and not your outward appearance, I would vote for you. Hy dominates the neighbor, then America, then the world!!! Now that’s progress.

      • I knew what you were up to, and was pointing out that it worked without saying that’s what I was doing. You’re not the only one who knows a thing or two about these jedi mind tricks.
        I’ve been following along for almost a year now. As a devoted statistic of yours, I return for the writing, and I imagine that’s the same for most. No offense to your tits, which are great, but there are countless tits on the internet. Google doesn’t even know how many there are, and of all the boobs I have seen, there are only a few I haven’t forgotten.

        Ahh, compliments to my IGF- they always turn into something I’ve never said to anyone else. I mean really, to whom can I say, “Hey, I’ve seen a million pairs of tits, but yours are awesome because of what’s going on in that head above them.”
        Somehow that seems like it wouldn’t be very flattering to a physical girlfriend, but then again, maybe…

  19. I’m sorry she felt like she was pressured into exposing herself. I don’t there’s any pressure, it’s your blog, do whatever works for you.
    Nice post, Hyacint

  20. A great post and as a first time visitor, I enjoyed the ‘illustrated’ writing very much! I am a natural exhibitionist (not aaaaaall men are!) and when I started the blog posted a lot of pictures and explicit ones (Some since removed, some not lol), even though I had started it by writing recollections of formative sexual encounters. I enjoyed exhibiting myself for objectification by strangers and still do. I, like all sex-bloggers have worried and un-worried about my visual candour more than about being a sex-blog writer (Because images can ruin you quicker and more indelibly than words – Would Paris Hilton’s sex-diary detailing her having boring sex with twats, been so salaciously scandalous! – Though it didn’t ruin her?!). I still don’t show my face and certainly appreciate why a sex-blogger wouldn’t need or want to show anything. Something I did realise is that a blog post is more accessible and appealing with images, than endless text, whether that’s you or not, doesn’t matter. The first reason I exposed myself was to see if offering yourself for objectification was denigrating or empowering (I have decided if you do it yourself it’s probably the latter!). Though the potential consequences are ever-present, if confronted I guess you just have to own it! It’s too late for me now anyway like you Hyacinth, I’m thoroughly and beautifully ruined!

    • I love your approach to posting pics, like an experiment. Me, I never really hesitated. I knew someone would be kind and I was only looking for one :)

      But you’re right, endless text kinda sucks :)

      Thanks so much for your thoughtful note!

  21. Reblogged this on mysexlifewithlola and commented:
    I read Liza’s article and respected it – though writing it for xoJane seemed like a great platform to grab more attention for writing about sex. But I’m really glad that Hy wrote this in response. The one part of Hy’s post that Lo and I would take issue with is the “self-esteem” part. Neither Lo nor I post pics of us to increase self-esteem. I guess the best way I can put it is that it’s part of our kink – or another one of our kinks. We both get off on having the blog and these secret lives. I get off on having others seeing Lo and lusting for her. She gets off on. . . well, let’s face it folks, pretty much anything – and that includes the camera’s attention.
    Thanks Hy for writing this.

  22. I have to think about how to really respond to this before I say anything stupid. What I will say is that I literally felt pressure from other people who tweeted me, emailed me, and otherwise contacted me, asking to see my tits, my ass, whatever I was willing to show them. Other bloggers who are regular posters of nude and erotic photos asked frequently why I didn’t participate in HNT or Sunful Sunday, etc. I didn’t because I had a job where nude pics on the Internet would literally be dangerous (for a long time I wrote my blog in a place where it was highly illegal to do so), and because I was not interested in playing the game of trading pics for followers, etc. I wrote about my own struggle, and I had no hand in the editing of the xojane piece.

    More to come after I’ve processed my thoughts.

    • Thanks for the note, Liza. I’m sorry that you were pressured by anyone about showing your body. It’s literally unfathomable to me; I would never in a million years ask such a question of someone. To each his own in this venture, after all! And again, I’m sorry that happened.

      Let me say that I hope it’s clear to which parts of the article I was responding. If the tone I caught was due to editing, then they did a good job because it got me and I’ve gone back to read it several times to make sure I wasn’t knee-jerking.

      On the other hand, you have a strong voice and a large platform (xoJane is huge) and I felt as though there was a discrepancy in my own experience (and perception) and I wanted to set myself apart from it. If I’ve upset you, then I’ve fucked up, because that wasn’t my intention.

      But you say it again here: “trading pics for followers.” You must know that it comes off as a little wonky. It stings a little because that’s not why *I* do it or why lots of people do it. I get that you’re saying that’s how it feels to you, but that part wasn’t clarified in the piece.

      I post pics just because I can and it was important to me to make that distinction. I don’t think you’re saying anything negative about me personally, but it draws me out to clarify my feelings on the issue, which happen to be different from yours.

      You have every right to all your feelings and thoughts about your blog. I was sharing how my experience has been and is different from yours. I look forward to your thoughts on this. Hy

      • I didn’t mean to sound as though I was saying that you do it. There *are* people who do it–literally asking for followers and if they get them they’ll share pics. Early on in my blogging experience I saw that happening and felt squicked by it. I could have been clearer on that point.

      • Also, if the fancy strikes, you might consider writing your own experience for Xojane. I’d be happy to connect you with the editors.

  23. I don’t think I can say anything that someone hasn’t already. A fantastic post full of thought and the following discussions/comments from your devoted followers is equally as impressive. Thanks Hy.

  24. Wow! Look at the response! I think you hit a nerve here, dear!
    Such a considered and self revealing post! And one I can’t help but cheer for!
    Do I read your blog more often or have I chosen to follow because of the pics? No. IMHO, your writing is evocative and revealing and generally just downright a pleasure to read. The insights, at least into your own personal interactions, are profound and thought provoking and lucid.
    But, I gotta be honest here … I DO love gazing at your luscious body! And, though no doubt delectable, I doubt the sight of your other bits would be any more inflaming than those amazing nipples when erect.
    Just sayin.

    • Ha! Well, thanks, DG! I’m glad to know you come for the wrong, but I’d be ok if it was all about the boobs, too. It doesn’t take anything away from my written art :)

  25. Well that took quite some reading and then some thinking and to be honest I might have to write my own post about it, but that will depend on deadlines and timing issues however in the meantime just a couple of thoughts.

    I post pictures of myself on my blog because I LIKE DOING IT! That is obviously the short version but when it comes down to it that is what motivates me. With regards to my photography I consider myself an artist and my photography is my medium of choice and my subject is mainly me.

    I read the original article by Liza a while back and I have to say that I agree with you on how it reads, whether she meant for that to be the case who knows but it does seem to imply that people who post images of themselves are just selling out to the pressure, something which I greatly resent and refute. Posting images are just as much a worthy and legitimate form of self expression as writing is, maybe in some cases even more so as words can often be fictionalised in ways that it can be harder to achieve with images. Again, not putting one above the other AT ALL, especially as I am a purveyor of both.

    Oh and finally, with regards to my blog. I rarely post anything without a supporting image (I am very visually driven in my work and sexuality) many of my images are very explicit. If the original article is correct then my traffic should be predominately men who come for the wank fodder….. in fact the VAST majority of my traffic is women aged 35 – 54 which seems to go against that assumption.

    Mollyxxx

    • Thanks for your note, Molly, and your thoughtfulness. You know you and I are in total agreement here. One thing I haven’t mentioned is that I’d be ok with people comin here just for my tots. I don’t really care; it doesn’t devalue my other work in anyway. People are allowed to prefer just looking over reading and vice versa and all the available material retains its inherent value, in my opinion.

      And like I told you earlier, I’d love to see a post on this from you!

      • I completely agree with you about being total cool with people coming to my site just to see my bits… if that’s what they enjoy about my work then all power to them.

        Mollyxxx

  26. I agree with you 100%…I had the courage to post pictures of my bits and pieces because of you, actually…but it never occurred to me to do it for more readers, comments, views, whatever…I did it because I was tired of being afraid of my own body…and because I wanted to be a little more real to the world…

    I completely respect a person’s desire NOT to post pictures…I would like to think, in this kinky, supposedly open, world of sex blogging, that my desire to post pictures would be equally respected – but there I go again being an ever-hopeful little girl…

    It is a sad world when illegal activity can be forgiven but not open sexuality…especially when I think there are a LOT of people secretly reading sex blogs and openly reading 50 Shades…

  27. Wow Hyacinth, I am so glad you wrote this. I just saw discussion about/read the article last night and had a very similar reaction. Whether or not it was intended, I felt the piece had a bit of a judgmental attitude towards those who do decide to share nude photos.

    I post images of myself because I love photography and because it makes me happy to share them, period. But even if someone does post photos to gain followers, how is that different from writing to gain followers? I feel like I have a lot to say on the matter & as Molly mentioned, I am considering doing a post about this as well, but for now I’ll just say:

    Thank you for this post, it was an excellent and much needed read for me.
    xxPenny

    • Thanks so much, Penny, I really appreciate your thoughts. I love your blog and the images are breath taking, true art you’ve got going on over there.

      This whole thing has been very enlightening for me and the ensuing discussion educational; sex bloggers are pretty rad. And having said that, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

  28. Pingback: Friday, May 7th, is Boobday! | A Dissolute Life Means...

    • A great post and response and what a comment thread! I’d love to have such a lively discussion with my readers. A very thought-provoking and entertaining read. P.S If anyone would like to pressure me to show myself naked….. feel free lol

      • I am blessed with some awfully smart and wonderful readers who love to participate, that’s for sure!

        And whatdya got to show?? Haha

      • Lol thanks for reply – I used to have lots of comments, but somehow that tailed off over a period of time and I always blamed Facebook, for sucking up everyone’s internet energy, but I must have been wrong! ….I have shown it all (Except my face lol) so tooo late! I’m currently really enjoying having someone to take and participate in photos with me! If you’ve got it flaunt it, eh Hyacinth!?

      • Ha! Who knows? And don’t forget only about half of my comment count is real, the other half is me responding, so it looks like a lot more. And then there are these little side convos about sending me nude pics — oops! Did I just say that out loud?? Quel horreur!

      • You have been very generous and considered in your replies so thanks from me and on behalf of everyone :-) I am always fascinated by the difference between genders when it comes to nude imagery. Guys obviously so visual, desperate to show and ravenous to see, women as always more demure! One only has to see the prevalence of ‘guys who want to cam’ on every site lol Still it’s that inequity that drives the desire. I only send pics to people who want to see more (Not that there’s much more to show lol) and that’s usually more explicit things, that I don’t post and ……it’s usually guys who ask !

  29. Pingback: In (critical) support of Liza » My Dissolute Life

  30. I’ve observed the debate around Liza’s original post on xojane from afar over the last few days, reading twitter conversations and blog posts, comments etc and I think I may be in the minority when I confess that I actually didn’t read her post in a negative way. I don’t believe that she ever intended to offend (and that’s already been acknowledged and made clear by others also), but additionally, I didn’t glean that reaction from her original post. I didn’t think her piece comes across that way, but we are all different and thus interpretations are vast and diverse.

    This may be because I too have been in situations where I felt extremely pressured to act a particular way or conform to various practices in order to achieve success and be taken seriously (I won’t bore you with those details because it’s all rather dull), but I do get it. I also get how amazingly liberating sharing your words and sexy and sensual images of yourself to others can be, be it via blogs, sites, texts, or any other digital medium. I dabbled in this a bit over previous years and relished the excitement and the attention, but ultimately, for personal reasons (again, too dull to bore you with), I had to stand aside and discontinue my public persona in that regard. I guess you could say I felt exposed and with that came an added vulnerability that I didn’t like (note, for me…I’m not generalising or speaking for the masses in any way).

    However, do I like seeing nude pictures of others? Hell yes I do! I love exploring the net and blogging world for the sexy and beautiful imagery people publish. I love the naked form and relish being involved in a community that celebrates this. As I believe Liza does too. Of course she does, else why would she be in the sex blogging community at all?

    There is a lot of respect for those in this community, for our words, our wisdom, and our beautiful, beautiful pictures. The decisions people make for personal reasons should also be respected, whether it’s to post their titties on the net or not, or to write about their sexual exploits or not. Let’s celebrate our freedom to be able to do that and raise a glass in thanks that we don’t live in N. Korea!

    Finally, I may re-post this comment on Liza’s response post and Nlikes piece too. Hope that doesn’t come across as lazy, but I have waffled on rather. I think I need a wine.

    • Thanks for your thoughtful note, Livia.

      I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this conversation with everyone and I’ve learned a lot about my community and its proclivities, preferences, and passions. I’ve also learned more about myself and my blogging, which is invaluable.

      I wish there was some way we could make everyone understand better what it is to be a [secret] sex blogger and that just because we share so much with the world doesn’t necessarily mean you can ask for anything and expect to receive it. I hope my bit about my own limits illustrates that to a small degree.

      But I feel especially bad for those bloggers out there who feel threatened by these requests and vulnerable at the prospect of sharing photos. After hearing more stories of folks feeling pressure and internal conflict/stress/anxiety about it all I feel protective of them. I’d love to whack those readers/folks upside the head and say, “Dude! There are tons of tits elsewhere! Leave her alone already and enjoy the awesome content she happily (and comfortably) provides!”

      In any case, thanks again, and I hope to hear from you in the future on other, less-mata posts of mine :)

  31. I still need to read the links within the comments, but this was all thought provoking for sure.

    First, do I feel pressure to post pictures? That would be silly because I’ve always readily posted pics of myself here and other places. I guess each time becomes less of a thrill, unless I try to get creative with it, and I stress because I don’t have the time to do that (especially if I want to develop a skill like writing). And I feel a pressure to keep going because that is the air of the space I created. I’ve received suggestions of photos to take, which actually adds to the sexual excitement for me, but might creep out another person.

    I also know that if I don’t post pics (specifically Friday), I miss the thrill of being in a community of woman doing the same. The thrill of doing something “crazy” like putting half my tits out to the world, as a group. It’s like jumping into a pool holding hands, we all emerge unscathed giggling and holding hands.

    Except there are other people at the edge, deciding that is too dangerous for them to jump, or that using the stairs is more digified. Yet we all swim together in the end.

    I guess in every craft or community there is some us vs. them mentality. It’s somewhat a motivator to produce, to show your way is better. Parenting styles, writing styles, styles of dress, some care enough to vocalize it, some don’t.

    But you know I’ve struggled with thoughts (about using my pics on my blog) for a long time. I am pretty sure the one reason is that my writing could never stand alone like yours, and that feeling hurts.

    You are a thinker, and those thoughts are expressed in a superb manner. Added to that, are the pics of your body, confirming that you are a real woman, with hardly an imperfection in my eyes, but real like me. It adds to the experience because your character is illustrated.

    I wish you best of luck and am one of your biggest cheerleaders. Go Hy! Now off to read the links.

    • I just thought to add that when I say cheerleader I don’t want to imply there are two sides, I think this is a good discussion. I’m halfway through her essay and I like her point of view too (I see a lot of myself there).

  32. Pingback: I want your eyes on me |

  33. Pingback: released | ten years in

  34. You’ve got a point there!
    Everyone needs affirmation, everyone wants to feel attractive. I think we all just differ on who or where we get that attention from.
    Btw…your pictures never take away from the blog. It’s a nice ‘garnish’ to already good content.

  35. interesting enough, i HAVE a ‘political’ career here in Austin with my career…lol, and I am riding that bullet of voyeurism and exhibitionism to the very limits! I keep telling myself I should calm down, but….damn. when in the moment…. :)
    I am seriously digging the exhibitionist in you as well. I know the feeling!

    (if my co-workers only knew… hehehe)

  36. Pingback: Being a Domme can be a lot like shooting yourself in the ass. | A Dissolute Life Means...

  37. Pingback: I still miss Gillian: A post about community, acceptance, and art. - A Dissolute Life Means...

What say you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s