I have no feelings.

Almost 2 years ago, this was me. Would you have related to the old Hy?

A Dissolute Life Means...

Well.  Actually, I do have feelings.  Mostly they’re apathy, numbness, confusion, sadness.  Yeah, you get the idea.

Not to say I’m depressed.  I’m actually not.  I’m just mourning, which is something entirely different.

And I’ve been mourning like a horny 15 year-old boy watching cheerleading practice for over a year.  It’s kept me preoccupied and busy and it’s served its purpose swimmingly, but now I’m onto a new phase of this mourning business.  If the past year has been numbness, then what I’m experiencing now might be called “warming up.”

Ever since my “snapshot” in September I have slowed way down.  Like WAAAAAY down.  I don’t fuck 4 men in one week anymore.  I don’t meet anyone I’m not genuinely excited to meet just because he has a penis.  My standards for sex are as high as ever and I’ve switched from, “Wow, that really sucked, I hope…

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