He may only cum when I am present.

I had been feeling out of control and my libido had dropped a few rungs when I received a provocative and thoughtful email from a friend who happens to be dominant. He reminded me that if I wanted something, I had the power to make it happen, the responsibility to be kind, and the wherewithal to know the difference between recklessness and pushing boundaries.

I mulled it over for days.

A part of my real life had been spiraling out of control and I had to flex that muscle I’d built up while masturbating myself into true acceptance of all things The Neighbor. In other words, I had to just let go.

It’s worked, thank God, but it took a lot out of me and I could focus on nothing but that problem for most of my waking days.

It robbed me of my will to write like I wanted to and it’s the culprit behind the lowered libido, too, but somehow, insanely, my friend’s words continued to percolate and in the midst of my chaos I turned to TN one night as we cuddled and said, “I don’t want you to masturbate without me anymore. No touching, no cumming, nothing, unless I’m somehow present. You can have me involved or just in the room, but whatever it is, I’m there.”

I probably said it a lot more kindly than that because I am a very soft-hearted woman and a clumsy Domme. I probably also gave some reasons behind it — thinking I had to — but with a slow smile and a squeeze TN said simply, “Ok. I think I can do that.”

That was 3 weeks ago and he has kept his word like a good boy.

My bond to him has deepened and my trust in him has blossomed. I am also in utter disbelief.

There has been a time or two when he has admitted to waking up humping his pillows, a pained look on his face, and I just laughed and rubbed and loved on him like a giant puppy. A great, big, wonderful, love and sex puppy.

His hard-ons are epic and easy as usual, but there’s an air to our interactions that is different. I’m holding invisible reins and he’s wearing an equally invisible bridle. His reliance on masturbation to self-soothe and regulate his emotions throughout any given day is heavy and I take it seriously to be in control of his outlet.

I grip and stroke, and find my face buried between his tree-trunk legs far more often than I have in previous months, and I’ve found that magical prescription that milks the cum from his body despite his control tenfold more times than before my new Rule. And even my pussy has coaxed him to orgasm.

Whatever connection we had is growing stronger as he learns to rely on me and I learn to trust myself. It vibrates, it soothes, it’s sweet and sexy, it’s everything to me.

When I ask him if he wants to cuddle now, instead of saying, “Maybe,” I get, “Of course.” It’s been months since he’s missed a night anyway, but nowadays, he gets upset if I try to carve out some space alone. I hesitate to write the following words, but he might just need me.

On a new level, somewhere between primal and elevated, he needs me and his body knows it. I’m sure his heart does, but maybe now his head is beginning to realize it, too. And it’s the confluence of the three that I’m sensing in him. It just has to be. Either that or I’m just drunk from all the semen and Domme-y power. That can happen, right??

19 thoughts on “He may only cum when I am present.

  1. Hy, I’m happy for you on different levels and whatever happens in the future, you’re in a good relationship. That’s pretty cool any which way you look at it. xo, Jayne

  2. Well, you know I always believed in you, in him, in you both. To somehow come around and meet each other in the middle. It seems like that is what this is, something to make you both feel safe and powerless and powerful at the same time.

    My favorite paragraph though, “A part of my real life had been spiraling out of control and I had to flex that muscle I’d built up while masturbating myself into true acceptance of all things The Neighbor. In other words, I had to just let go.”
    So well written. I am glad things are working out as you let go of it all.

    xoxox

  3. Mmmmmmm I’m basking in your afterglow….fantastic to hear things are at such a level for you both Hy, you both deserve it…..& each other…..

  4. Self-soothing emotion regulation throughout the day… That’s what I practice too. And next time my coworkers ask me what I’m going to do after work, that’s what I’ll say. Going home to practice some self-soothing emotion regulation, yup. I have been a practitioner for many years. Alas, my abilities may not result in a raise at work. Still, passes the time. A substantial amount of it, too.

  5. With great Domme-y power comes great Domme-y responsibility. Sometimes it just takes a little push to believe in yourself.I wish you the best of luck and happyness with your new found responsibilities.

  6. Pingback: He gets a [very lovely] punishment. | A Dissolute Life Means...

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