I can’t tell the difference between vanity and artistry.

The one I like the best.

I’ve written a lot about what posting pics online does for me, but very little about my vanity, my sad opting-in to what I think I should look like.

It’s never more obvious than on a morning such as this when I wake up feeling (and looking) bloated. There’s no menstrual excuse to speak of, I’m just thicker today.

And so I twist and stretch, find a good light, and all the while feel disingenuous. But then I also feel a little sexy when shadows and a soft glow become my allies and an image is created I feel good about.

Today, however, I’ll once again show you my two choices.

If I want to perpetuate self-acceptance and not a silly ideal, then it’s what I should do.  I shouldn’t perpetuate total unreality.

However, to my “artistic eye,” the first image is soft, smooth, the ideal.  The second shows all the dips and valleys of my abdomen, the little bumps on my areolas, it’s a harder image, not what I felt like sharing today.

I recognize that both have certain appeal, I’m just admitting to favoring the first because it hides more.  I’m confused over whether this really is vanity or just an artist’s eye, a preference.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

I also recognize that I come off as a complete idiot.  Both images are decent ones.  The biggest difference is how my insecurity applies a thicker layer of judgement to one of them.

Do my abs look weird to you, too?

Check out Sinful Sunday for more.