I’m re-learning how to take nude selfies.

If you’re seeing only this post (and not another one identical to it sans this note on top), it means you are not following me or subscribed to my self-hosted site.  Please be sure to subscribe to my blog via email, Bloglovin’, RSS, or enter me manually into your WP Reader and follow me that way.  All options are available at the top of my sidebar now (type in http://adissolutelifemeans.com into your browser field to take you there).   Please let me know if you have any problems with this and I’ll get it fixed right away! xx Hy

::

It’s funny how we get attached to things being a certain way.  In my old room, for example, I came to rely heavily on my east-facing windows which were to the left of my bed for my natural light.  It was so good in there, in fact, that most of my pictures were sans filter.  But here, in the new apartment, the orientation is all different.  My window still faces east, but now it’s on my right and I am much closer to it making my pictures very washed out or distorted by sunbeams — awful, I know — but I have a certain look I’m going for so this will take some getting used to.

So when I finally got to sleep in today I decided to practice a little.

hyjones_tits_sunbeam_faisal_kitty

Can you spot the kitty??  Turns out that Faisal wanted in on the action, too.

hyjones_tits_sunbeam_faisal_kitty

Can you see him now?

It’s always a little humbling to have to push a cat out of the way (repeatedly) of you trying to take nude selfies — doesn’t he know I’m trying to be all sexy?! — but I persevered and managed to get these two pics kitty-free.

hyjones_tits_sunbeam

Bars of light.

hyjones_tits_sunbeam

I’m nearly indecent in this one.

I actually don’t mind the little light show, honestly.  Maybe it’s time to get creative with shadows and kitties!

::

 

I’ll be back soon!

I’m not sure what you’ll see as I do some heavy blog maintenance later this afternoon, but don’t worry, I haven’t quit! The blog may be down for a few hours or a couple of days, I’m not really sure which, but it’s all very routine.

I’ll be back better than ever before you know it!

In the meantime, here’s a pic I just snapped for your viewing pleasure.

xx
Hy

20140322-083118.jpg

I don’t know how to be happy.

hyandTN_b&w_sex

I blinked in the sunlight that streamed through my windows and stretched like the cat who lay on my pillow purring like a crazed motorboat.  He’ll be here soon, I thought, and as if on cue, I heard the front door open and close and the cat tore off to greet our visitor.

“Good morning, TN!” I called.

“Good morning, Hyacinth!” he called back.

I fixed  my eyes on the doorway and let him fill my view as he sauntered in, sheet marks pressed into his skin and his eyes puffy, but his cock enormous and jutting out against his shiny black basketball shorts.

I giggled at the image of his exhaustion mingled with a giant erection.

He walked up to the side of the bed and pulled himself free of his shorts, his taut, pink skin a slightly curved appendage for my viewing pleasure.

I wrapped my hand around it.  “Mmm,” I said and stood up.  “I have to pee.  I’ll be right back!”

When I came back out he pushed me roughly down onto the bed and licked his hand.  “I doubt I needed to do this.  Hmm, let’s see.  Could Hyacinth be wet already?”

“It’s possible,” I answered looking up at him.  “You wake up with that monster between your legs everyday.  I happen to wake up wet everyday.”  He pushed at my opening and sure enough he slid right in.

We moved together in the sunlight, carefully avoiding each other’s morning breath and hugged and humped and clutched and climaxed.  He pinned my legs onto his shoulders and moved until I was begging him to stop and then with a puffy-eyed grin kept going.

We were done relatively quickly, it being the morning and all.  He gently removed himself from me and lay beside me.  “Hang on,” I said and rolled over and grabbed my phone, something I’d done alone for so long.

I began taking pictures of us freshly post-coital.  It felt intimate and odd, like a salty candy that gives you two flavors at once.

He left shortly after to go to work and I smiled, stupidly happy.

And then I realized how uncomfortable I am with happiness and how I am doing my best to destroy what little peace I’ve finally managed to accomplish with him: I suggested that he fuck other women. 

The night I came up with this grand plan I had just met his parents.  Over the course of roughly 4 and a half hours I’d had a glass of white wine while getting dressed, a glass of Prosecco before dinner, and a glass of Rosé with my scallops, but when I’d suggested it to him he seriously wondered if I were drunk.

“I trust you, TN, I really do.  And I’m proud of you and I think you’re amazing in bed.  I want you to be able to go out and have fun.”

He just looked at me, dumbfounded as I blithely continued.  “No, really.  I’m so happy with you, I want you to be happy, too.”

“Ok…” he said, incredulous.  “But why the change of heart?  You’ve never felt this way before.”

“It’s because you told me you loved me and I feel safe with you, content.  I really feel like I could handle it.”

I’d dozed off then on his warm, furry chest and forgotten all about it.  But he hadn’t.

The following day he brought it up again.  “So, what you said the other night.  Do you still mean it?  Or were you just drunk?”

It all came rushing back to me: the warm glow of acceptance, the sense of safety, this ridiculous drive to prove I were invincibly in love with him.  What.the.fuck.  But I was too embarrassed to back out.  “No, really, I do,” I replied and then began that weird dance that people in open relationships do wherein they try to think of every possible thing they can’t handle: no two dates with the same woman, no threesomes without me, no lies, everything has to be transparent to me.  Then, of course I asked if he’d care if I slept around.

He was thoughtful, then said he’d be ok with me and another couple, but not with another man.  I told him I couldn’t imagine fucking another man anyway, I already had my unicorn firmly in my grasp.  He’d smiled at that and then I felt a twinge of something, like a tiny splinter: why would he want to fuck another woman? aren’t I good enough? the best?  And that’s when I knew I was full of shit and actively trying to sabotage my own happiness.

The next night, after the sweet, yet brief morning love session, I came to him with hat in hand, sheepish and utterly embarrassed.  “You’re right, TN.  I can’t handle it.  I think I’m just really uncomfortable with how happy I am.  I mean, look, we’ve only been this kind of happy for 3 months and I’m already looking to inject it with chaos.”

He pulled me into his nook and stroked my arm.  “I thought so,” he said.  “Besides, I’m not a player.  I’m really not that interested in opening this up.”

I’m almost 40 years old and this is a humiliating moment for me.  I left a marriage that was safe, yet passionless, and embarked on a wild year or two of no safety whatsoever, but chocked full of passion.  I manage to cultivate a passionate — and safe — relationship and the first thing I try to do is dismantle it.

After everything we’ve been through — 4 am girl, my secret sex blog, his resistance, my anger — we’ve made it.  He wants me and my entire life and I am inexplicably uncomfortable with his unconditional regard despite my longing for just this very thing.  I am a stupid bastard.

So for now we have agreed to just be happy with each other and I’ve vowed to immerse myself in this new sensation called happiness.  It’s strange and terrifying, but I happen to like salty candy so I’m going to keep chewing.

My life is forever changed.

20140315-213130.jpg

Because I made this happen.

OHMYGOD ALL PICTURES HENCE FORTH WILL HAVE KITTIES ON THEM!

Go here to get the app if you’re so inclined to bedazzle your sexts like me!

Friday, March 14th, is HANDS Boobday!

hy_tits_banner

This marks the first time The Neighbor and I deliberately collaborated on an image.  The last pic with him in it was something I did spur of the moment.  Today he came over before work because I told him morning light in my room was the best.

As he rolled down his sleeves and I finished up brushing my teeth he said, “I think the picture will look better with the sleeves down.”  My heart clenched a little at that.

It was awkward at first so I took a couple of random shots.  He began to see how the image was different from real life and he made adjustments.  For example, scrunching my breast in his hand — something he loves to do ordinarily — destroyed the shape and made it almost unrecognizable.  I also felt shy doing my “selfie thing”, I mean, who normally arches for a picture like they’re a supermodel except for supermodels??

Also, big news, everyone!  Next week marks the 1 year anniversary of Boobday!  HOLY SHIT!!  So, in honor of that, it will be a very special theme suggested by Escapist Girl.  It’s with some chagrin and lots of embarrassment that I’ve chosen to use it, but it seems somewhat fitting.

EG suggested:

4. Hyacinth – Maybe you can do this on your blog anniversary? Since I started reading your blog last year I have taken about a hundred selfies trying to copy your shots – thinking maybe I can look that good (like you). Haha I’ve erased most of them and have since realized my boobs are not photogenic at all.  But I am pretty sure most of your readers have tried this! You will probably say Boobday is not about you and while I will agree – this theme sounds like fun :)

I happen to whole-heartedly disagree with her that her boobs aren’t photogenic (it’s literally impossible!), but I do think her idea is a terrific one, if not a little humbling for me.

Therefore, next week’s one-year anniversary theme is HYACINTH. 

Aaaaaagh!  I just died of embarrassment a little!

 

I’ll share some of my secrets with you, so as to possibly eliminate any frustrations:

  1. sometimes I use the Afterlight app on my phone.  It seems to read my mind and I always get the image I’m hoping for
  2. other times I just take advantage of soft, ambient sunlight, not harsh, artificial lights
  3. there’s also a trick in holding my phone.  I switch the camera to face me on the screen of my phone so I can see the framing, then I hold the phone between my pinky and index fingers and tap the shutter button with my thumb.  It allows for a more stable base and I can capture the best angles hyacinthjones_hold_phone

Have fun with this one, everyone!  I’m not really sure what “Hyacinth” means to all of you, but I surely look forward to what you come up with!

xx

Hy

Want to participate in Boobday?  Go here and read the Guidelines and State of the Boob Union to answer any questions, but this is the TL;DR of what I need each time:

  1. an attached pic

  2. a sentence about why you chose this particular photo

  3. if you want to be anonymous or not

  4. a hyperlink or URL to your Twitter handle (if you have one)

  5. a hyperlink or URL to your blog post (if you have one and post, it must have my Boobday banner and a link back to me and only posted on Friday)

Emails sent to me with all of this info plus the theme will be given preferential treatment.  I will not look up links.

My HANDS tits:

hyacinthjones_TN_hands

This was TN’s favorite of the bunch.

hyacinthjones_hands_bw

My favorite.

I have always loved TN’s hands.  Probably because of that myth about the size of a man’s hands and his penis size; his are wide and sturdy with fingers only as long as my own.  It’s like his hands are a joke on the world because he packs a bunch of big inches in his sexy shorts.  Take that, world!

NOT my HANDS tits (click on images for any click-thrus!):

beck_dawn

Beck offers us a creamy place to rest. Follow her at @Beck42069.

::

newdawn_hands

I love how this picture evokes “super spy” for me. New Dawn is always so fucking hot.

::

anisa_hands

Anisa reminded me that those of us who nursed our babies probably have lots of “boob pics with hands” in them.

I love this bra. I love my wedding ring. I love my boob (today, at least). I love Boobday. :-)

::

darkandanon_hands

I absolutely love how Dark and Anonymous’ shirt implies it’s a University T and then it’s coupled with a collar and an exposed breast.  Just too much!

More than a handful.

::

scarlett_hands

I love this so much! Maybe I should make a theme that includes hot ass snarls! @ATrueUnfolding on Twitter.

I didn’t have ‘hands’ available, so I disguised my right hand and took it out on my boob.

::

kiera_hands

Looks like great minds think alike! Kiera shares her gloved hands with us for a second time!

::

silverdrop_hands

Here we get a a little peek of @SilverDomUK, too! Follow both him and @SilverdropUK on Twitter.

We’ve put a Boobday post on our blog with this caption: “Excuse the quality, it was grabbed (pun possibly intended) in haste on the camera phone,” and linked to you. Attached pic anyway for your viewing pleasure.  :)

::

anonaussie_hands_cock

The lovely and mysterious Anonymous Aussie.

Ok, here goes: my tits, my hands & at this moment, MY gorgeous cock, MY cum on my tits! ;)