You might need to update your readers.

Hello to my new readers! If you’re reading this, then that means you’re following my old, WP-hosted site and I no longer post here.

Please update your readers by entering in my URL (http://adissolutelifemeans.com) manually or you can subscribe via email on the homepage of my blog.

Thanks so much for being a part of this community and I look forward to getting to know you!

xx

Hy

I’ll be back soon!

I’m not sure what you’ll see as I do some heavy blog maintenance later this afternoon, but don’t worry, I haven’t quit! The blog may be down for a few hours or a couple of days, I’m not really sure which, but it’s all very routine.

I’ll be back better than ever before you know it!

In the meantime, here’s a pic I just snapped for your viewing pleasure.

xx
Hy

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I found Two More Dissolutes (March).

N. Likes and I have joined forces to bring to our readers two new (to us) sex writers each month, two new dissolutes, if you will – ha!  The catalyst for this project was a shared sense that our circles were small, that it’s really difficult to find new writers, and whenever a top list of writers gets released, the process for choosing and ranking is often a mystery.

I’ve been so honored over the past two years to make several lists of top sex blogs and they’ve helped me to find new people to read, but they’re often annual and they are often mixed in with review sites or fiction.  Personally, I like the more writer-ly, journal-like blogs and that’s what I’ll be focusing on, N., too.  Our little project here is all about new blood.  Please always refer to my Dissolutes tab or the list down on my sidebar for my all time favorite reads, which I highly, highly recommend.

So, I’ll pick something and he’ll pick something, share our choices with each other and both write a little blurb about it and then post them on our blogs the first Monday of every month.  I’m typically horrible at following through with this kind of stuff, so he has permission to call me out for my lameness if I ever drop the ball and to post without me.

Having said all that, I’m gonna need serious help from all of you seeing as I’m a big, fat lame-o and I am very happy with my current list of writers; it’s like I never leave the house anymore and there’s this whole, giant, gorgeous world outside my door.  Send me your ideas, even your own writing if you want! either in the comments or email.

So, without further ado, here’s our picks!

Two More Dissolutes

Hy’s pick:

The post The Language of Lust (Real Sex in Amsterdam) over at One Woman, One Hundred Dicks.

Hy’s thoughts

I only just discovered this blog, so I don’t know much about Onewoman, but what drew me to her writing and for making her my first pick was how she threaded reflections on cultural differences, her body image insecurities, and her verve for adventure into a single post.

The post reveals a lot about her even though I doubt that was her aim.  She’s candid and raw, perfunctory, yet funny.

It’s long, but she writes with such inertia I couldn’t stop reading.  It’s not erotica, per se, and it’s got grammatical and spelling errors, too, but it’s still a damn good tale and it makes me want to dig around more.  Which, to me, is the mark of good writing.

I’m definitely late to the party, though, since 6,847 (!) have come before me, if her subscription numbers can be believed.

N. Likes’ thoughts

It is long. I was pained by the length. It’s also a tale of fuckery, which I have a predisposition against. But it’s about Holland. And I really like Holland.

And I agree with Hy – it’s a great story. It’s got twists, and turns, and insults, and…. It butts up against a couple of my personal pet peeves (misspellings/typos/grammatical errors, use of cutesie words – the last sentence features the words “poo” and “wee” – not always the hottest for me). The blog is great, though – it has an organizing conceit that makes the whole blog a story, in addition to just being a collection of stories. And, there’s a video featuring the blogger! How many of us are that bold? (I’m not – a commenter just asked for me to show a picture of a hypothetical tattoo that I don’t even have, and I blanched.)

She hasn’t been posting a lot – her last post was in February, but before that, it was November that she last posted. Here’s hoping we can do more than browse through her back-catalog.

N. Likes’ pick:

The post How to Eat My Pussy by The Literary Wench.

N. Likes’ thoughts

This is the kind of post I might write, or hope to write, if I had a pussy.

To be fair, I’ve written posts that are structurally similar, so it’s a bit narcissistic to say, “Hey! Look at this! It’s great! It’s like my blog!”

But…. Hey! Look at this! It’s great! It’s like my blog!”

As a blog reader, I often find myself dissatisfied with most of the sex blogs out there. Writing about who put what where doesn’t do it for me. What interests me is writing that reveals something intensely personal about someone, about the workings of their desire, brain, body. We all are unique, idiosyncratic – not just sexually, but especially sexually. Every time I get an inkling of how someone else’s desire or body works, I feel richer.

Each of us is a story, a story that fascinates me. I like learning others’ stories – especially, but not at all limited to, their sexual stories.

I fought so hard, so long, to get even the beginnings of insight into my own sexual story, desires, make-up. When I get a glimpse into another’s, I am grateful.

Go read Literary Wench, in general, and this post, in particular.

Hy’s thoughts

N. is sooooo right about how it’s something he’d write!  Same style, same clip, same POV in some way.  I think he’s written a post on how to blow him, if I remember correctly.  I’ve sorta heard about The Literary Wench before, but this is the first time I’ve ever read her and I’m so glad that N. Likes has pointed me in her direction.

I can also say that I agree with her 100%.  Spot on, hot, pulsing writing.  I’m going to enjoy peeking through her archives!

I have a secret sex blog that won’t be secret for much longer.

Twenty-six months ago, in December of 2011, I started this blog.  I was alone, heartbroken, sexually awakened, lustful, sad, hopeful, terrified.  I was wild with passion to mask my pain and I used men and my body to slake the thirst that oozed from me morning, noon, and night.  I was quite a sight.

For a year prior to that fateful day in mid-December a typical week would consist of 2 or 3 dates with different men.  Sometimes I would sleep with them, sometimes I wouldn’t.  I would dress provocatively, yet tastefully, allow a spaghetti strap to fall and absent-mindedly pull it back up.  I would lean in close and listen to their every important word and hide behind their disclosures, then put my hand on their knee, in control and flirty, filled up and never fooled.  I’d dip into their mouths or fall onto their cocks with abandon.   Happy, distant, very busy.

In my despair I was able to create a space of comfort and control.  I was distracted in a productive, healing way.  I did what I needed to do unapologetically.  I met good men and I met some lousy ones, but they all were a brick in the wall around my heart.  Until one day, I didn’t want to lay another brick.  I froze my acquisition spree and held 4 men in my  hands: Phillip, Kevin, Jason, and The Neighbor.

::

My journey to blogging isn’t a mystery to me, though it may be to all of you.  When I was married and a stay-at-home-mom I blogged.  And when things began to change I blogged then, too.  It wasn’t until I was about to move out of my marital home that an important man I’d met online, Big Tex, suggested I write about sex, too.  And so I did.

He encouraged me to use my words in titillating absolution; he supported my silly endeavor and encouraged me to keep going when I got shy.  He helped me find my new voice, one other than that of mother.

It was a different blog name back then with very different characters, but what I discovered was that I rather liked reliving my wild trysts with Troy and others.  I switched blogs once more to better reflect my new life and kept on writing, but I had made the mistake early on of sharing my writings with Troy and Lina and others who weren’t as safe as Big Tex, so as things became less pleasant for me I found my outlet not my own.  I had made the fatal mistake of sharing my blog with people who knew me.

I shut down that blog and was creatively homeless for 2 months before I couldn’t stand it anymore.  Writing had stealthily welded itself to my marrow over the course of the previous several years and not writing created only more blackness inside of me.  It was this darkness, this need for connection, discourse, and creativity that drove me to start writing again.  I finally had to admit I was a writer.

I switched blogging platforms to WP, found a title that very much matched my behavior and feelings over the previous 12 months — A Dissolute Life Means… — and promised myself to not make the same mistakes regarding disclosure that I had with my previous blogs.  It would remain a secret, my ego forever in check, my drunken desires for confession squashed dead at arrival, my need for approval a private matter.

Two weeks prior to this decision, I met The Neighbor.

::

I had no way of knowing that 2 years later he and I would be in love.  Or that he would be my very best friend.  It started out fun and surprising.  He matched my passion, appreciated my humor, and did things to my body I thought no one could.  We assured each other it would only be a friends with benefits kind of thing, but a handful of months later it began to unravel when I stumbled upon him on a date he had kept secret from me.  That night was eventful: I realized I loved him and I “met” Noodle for the first time.

A few more months and more heart-wrenching longing later, he left me for a woman I called 4 am girl (f.k.a. Pisspants for you longtime readers).  That, he says, is when he realized he was in love with me.  But because this is a tale of two flawed people, he kept it to himself and dated her for 6 short, but agonizing weeks.

In the months following 4 am girl we hobbled along.  I was still certainly in love, but furious with him for hurting me.  I was also confused, embarrassed, happy.   Yet again a big, fat hot mess, but I kept on.

I couldn’t break up with him, though I’d tried numerous times.  Our connection and proximity made it impossible.  And frankly, I didn’t see the need.

We spent more time together, learned to communicate better, and embarked on a different power dynamic that made something in me sing and we lurched yet another step forward, blind as newborn kittens but compelled to grow nonetheless.

As my anger faded my guilt rose regarding the blog: should I tell him about it?

When I was angry and we were clearly not in a relationship it was an easy answer: it was none of his business; what would it hurt?  But as we grew closer I began to question the ethics of my decision, so I battened down the hatches to safeguard my privacy and our identities.

I purchased a VPN for both my computers and my phone; I made a secret email account; I paid for StatCounter which I keep secret; I got a secret PayPal account; I refused prizes that had to be mailed to me and asked for gift cards instead; I’ve deleted browser tabs with the blog on it before I share my computer screens with TN; I opted out of opportunities to broaden my network in person via sex blogging conventions; my computers were set to save zero history; there is no auto-fill in their search boxes; I’ve avoided social media which I might accidentally get mixed up with my own real life personal ones, so I don’t do Instagram or FB as Hyacinth or Twitter as “me,”; I’ve painstakingly deleted all my copyrighted photos so as not to accidentally give away my URL; and lastly I have made up an association with a friend (Noodle) so as to not have to explain how she and I met, as well as with various other characters in my life who’ve come and gone into my personal realm (Gillian and Ella to name two who are no longer with us in our blog-o-verse here).

I never lie outright to TN, but there is a lot of omission going on.  I think I told him I met Noodle through my blog, the assumption being the retired one.  I never clarified, but left it up to him to be curious.  He never really was.

But all of this won’t matter if he feels betrayed.  I wouldn’t exactly blame him, but I hope he can forgive me and get on board.  If he feels betrayed, then I have to own that and figure it all out.

I’ve also come to believe that TN might actually be a little flattered by all of this and maybe — maybe — even a little proud of me.  I have grown my stupidly wild life and tales into a little tiny community of brilliant, open, loving, sexy people.  I’m kind of proud of me.

I can’t begin to fathom how he will react.  It’s just another unknown.

::

I told myself months ago while wrestling with this secret that I would tell him if he ever told me he loved me, because in that instant it would change the scene from me brokenly pining after a man who wasn’t interested in me to me loving a man who loved me back.  I would now be accountable for us, not just me venting solo on the internet.  He would deserve to know.

In a strange twist of emotions, I can’t wait to tell him.  I want to show him Boobday and have him meet all of you.  I want him to see how I see him: beautiful, intelligent, sexy, kind, loving, quirky, funny, complicated, and above all else worthy of all my efforts and affection.  I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without his influence.

I want him to see the journey, how I’ve gone from fearful to daring with my heart and gone out of my way to let him tell me his story in his own way and never speak for him; I want him to know that even though he might feel that we have few real life supporters, we actually have a small army of them here.

I used to say that I knew he loved me, but would never hear the words slip from his mouth.  It is pure paradise whenever I hear it now.  Of course, I still don’t know what the future holds, but then again I never knew, so I haven’t lost a thing.

::

I’m not sure what my goal is in revealing my secret blog to him other than the basic sense that it’s time to move on to the next phase of this whole thing.  I trust him with my life, why can’t I trust him with this?

I know that some of you are adamantly against me revealing this blog to him and to you folks I ask to what end?  I doubt I’ll blog here forever or even for a decade, but my relationship with him may last as long as either of those times.  I have no way of knowing.  And my blog, as important as it is to me, is not more important than my relationship with him.   Writing, on the other hand, is different.  I will always write, just not necssarily about the details of my sex life.

Having said all that, I am still afraid.  My hopefulness has its limits and I fear I will lose him, but the clock is pushing me: the longer I wait, the bigger the secret.  I have to do this.

I’ve never presumed to know what he is thinking or feeling in the past and so I’m not going to start now.  I must be brave and patient.  I will tell him and I will wait for him to show me his cards.

Maybe he’ll be holding the King and Queen of Hearts.

 

 

e[lust] #54

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Photo courtesy of Gritty Woman

Welcome to e[lust] (click to see my featured photo in the sidebar! – Hy) – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust].  Want to be included in e[lust] #55? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

How children will break UK Internet filters.

Submissive, Not Passive

When Sex and Disabilities Collide

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Tribute to a Selfie

The Pawn

~ Readers Choice from  Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Blogging

My 20 of 2013
Hello 2014

Erotic Fiction

Call Me Maybe
To Watch…
Holiday Travails
The third message
So You Want to Worship Me…Start Here.
Three Stories Up
Men in cages
Lucky Mascot – Huddle: Sex With Sporty Queers

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Sex Toys Storage: Hiding from People
SexyLittleIdeas -11 Annoying yet Sexual Dares
His PTSD Cheated on Me
Cum
You’re Art but I’m Not
Anger and intimacy
Among a Sea of Submissives
Object
My experiences with unwanted intercourse

Erotic Non-Fiction

Phoenix lies and gets herself in trouble
The Storm Behind the Calm
Why I eat your pussy
Light My Fire – Zoe Tries Fire Play
Spreading Christmas Cheer
I write a letter to The Neighbor
Humiliation
Sa’afia’s punishment night (1st IV scenes)
Both ends of the spectrum
Love of Flesh; Want for Blood
First Blush
Birthday Burning

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Dear Mollena…
The Best Motivator
on liberties taken.
Submission, More Than A Feeling
Breaking Prude – The Dirty Seven

Poetry

Just Touch It
A Time To Cum

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Shoe Fetishism – RZ


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