My exhusband didn’t like receiving sexy photos. I tried once after I got my iPhone and he never responded. When he got home, he told me it’d made him anxious and that he didn’t like it. I never did it again.
I also never saw myself as sexy through his eyes. How could I? He wasn’t verbose and he wasn’t open with his feelings. He would get angry at me when I’d get down on myself and say, “How can I find you sexy or attractive when you’re attacking yourself like this? I find confidence sexy.”
My self-esteem slowly eroded to nothing as the snake ate its tail.
When we decided to separate and I began dating again it was like a whole new world. After 7 years of little to no feedback about my body I was suddenly dancing through hordes of hungry, appreciative men. Their eyes, mouths, hands, and cocks repaired the damage like little worker bees constructing a hive.
And that’s when I met The Neighbor, a man who feasts on the site of breasts like a hungry infant and whose giant cock and sweet smile are always willing to stroke my reborn ego.
Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs. He can never get enough of them and I am more than willing to oblige him.
Lately, he has been exceptionally good to me. He visits nightly, he’s kind and thoughtful, he’s my number one fan, he talks about his feelings even when he’d rather get a root canal — without any novacane — and he’s doing a ridiculously wonderful subby thing or two I’ll write about later.
And because I’m a kind and grateful woman, I send him pics. Lots and lots of pics.
For TN, everyday is Boobday.
Gym.
Car.
Balcony.
Bath.
Coffee shop.
Elevator.
Occasionally I worry that they’re boring, but he swears to me that could never happen. It could be a vestige of my fears of being rejected, but I needn’t worry. He really is passionate about them.
And a funny thing has happened at this point: if I don’t send him a pic of my tits, then we know there’s trouble in paradise; either I’m miserably busy or I’m pissed off.
These daily pics affirm my good mood and affections and create a safe and sexy space I’ve never had before. I cringe now when I think back to my old life, one where my sexuality was barred from its true expression and where I had a little box in which to stay.
No wonder I was so miserable. I was an anemic little flower straining to reach the light and today I am a robust, blooming bouquet — a sweet, lush, and thriving Hyacinth — thanks to my boob-, sex-, and woman-loving neighbor.
Sometimes I think I should write the management office at my apartment complex a thank you note.
A Dissolute Life Means... 
I know at least one other that enjoys your freedoms… Thank you.
Thanks, Gray :)
Take it from me (a boob lover) when i say TN is a very lucky man to be able to see your boobs everyday. A lucky man indeed.
Thanks! I’m mostly sure that TN feels lucky, too.
Bless you.
Lol
It is so true that when you have a man that doesn’t appreciate you, your body, your beauty, your mind. Whatever it is they don’t see value in, maybe it’s just one of those things; maybe it’s all of them. But eventually you begin to question yourself, and your worth. You can be one of the strongest women in the world, fearless in life, stubborn in attitude and sexy as all hell. And if your man doesn’t see it, doesn’t appreciate it. You find yourself doing the same.
Such a horrible place to be and one you know that you have to get the hell out of because there are plenty of Real Men out there that will love all the things he was too stupid not too. Their love, acceptance, and appreciation for who we are AS we are lifts us up, emboldens us, strengthens us, heals us. I’m glad you have someone that reinforces that. xoxo
My ex wanted me to have no needs and to be completely self contained. I think that’s a bloody myth.
He sounds like a putz! :)
Nah, just a little broken :)
It is terrible that your ex-husband did not encourage your sexuality. But I’m learning that finding it within and learning what to do with is harder to deal with than when someone else tells you. He sure as hell didn’t help, but loving yourself began with you. Give yourself the credit for finding it; I give TN only partial credit for letting us witness the blooming of Hy. xxx
Aw, well said. Yeah, you’re right, it started with me. Maybe TN is more like the gardener ;)
My ex-husband became a little like yours. SH though, praises my tits every day. :)
It’s a glorious thing to have a loving and appreciative partner.
I just want to say “You’re great Hy!” Nothing in particular but overall – You’re great! J
Aw! Thank you! I think you’re great, too! xx
Love that collage. Should be titled “The Colors of Hyacinth’s Tits”. Like seasons, they all display their own personality.
Thanks, JK. I even included a rare pic with my hair!
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You are so alive and blooming with love, it is hard not to envy you. Okay, I do. I wish that I had that peaceful and happy feeling you emit through your wonderful writing. You are more than peaceful, it seems like you are on fire, burning love for TN. And you trust in him, and his own brand of love for you. What a wonderful spot you are in!! I love it.
Thanks, G, I feel pretty good in my romantic life, I really do. Thanks for being in my corner!
Always!
Wow. Our ex-husbands must have been best friends. Your boobs are glorious.
There’s probably a secret society we know nothing about. Your tits are pretty great, too!!
yes, and my ex was in it too!
Oh Hy, I had a similar response from my ex when I sent a boob pic via iPhone! Mortified, he stammered, ‘gee I hope you don’t accidentally send that somewhere else!!!!’ & nor did I get the appreciation for my sexuality or my body & boobs as I do now….blossoming & blooming I am now too! & as for the boob pics? Can never get enough of sharing mine now!
ps….love the pic with your hair, such a pretty colour…thx Hy…
Lol I rather think yours is a pretty color, too!
And what is it with these men?? To be fair, I’ve been with lots of men (TN included) who weren’t appreciated sexually, either. It’s a sad affair!
Oh, so true, the gorgeous man I see atm, in all of 25 yrs has never been told he’s wanted sexually or that he’s hot or sexy….he does now & just thrives on it….& is exploding with his sexuality! :)
You go girl!!
Hehe….we both are & it’s the most fulfilling sex we’ve both ever experienced… :)
Dear Hy,
I can totally relate to this post. When my ex started turning down my sexual advances and refusing to have sex with me, it was a big blow to my ego. Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted. As you know I’m a big girl, but I still feel very sexy and sensual. But after I separated and was let loose on the dating world I went a little overboard. I had to find out the hard way that there’s a difference between someone who just wants to tell me what I want to hear so that they can fuck me and someone who is sincere and caring and finds me sexy.
You are awesome !
Xo
Ginger
Ha! I never cared if men were just giving me lip service :) I just wanted to get laid!
And it’s a terrible thing to watch yourself deflate under lack of care. I’m so glad you got out and moved on! xx Hy
“Occasionally I worry that they’re boring, but he swears to me that could never happen.” – well said, TN. A man is never bored with receiving a naughty selfie. (Or shouldn’t be)
On the flip side, I was overseas for 5 weeks on business 18 months ago and was begging my wife for a little ‘sustenance’. I tried sending her naughty texts (she didn’t like them, she said they made her feel awkward) I tried writing erotic emails (she didn’t reciprocate, she said they made her feel awkward), and by the 4th week I was pleading with her to send me a naughty selfie (she didn’t want to, she said she didn’t know where they might end up – WTF?). She did send one finally, after I sent her one of me (what sort of marriage is it when I have to send a cock shot first, so you can be comfortable you have something for the blackmail lock box in case your photo ever goes public?) but she used the ‘arm bra’ and her head was cropped off (and nothing below the waist).
By that time I was completely demoralized (the male ego is just as fragile as the female ego) and wished I’d just gone to a brothel and been done with it.
It was a month after I got back that I discovered she’d gotten heavily into Erotica, so clearly she was doing fine during my absence. Maybe it was that link to Literotica.com I’d sent her while away that kicked it off? I’ll never know.
Aw, man, I’m so sorry! What a freaking bummer. I don’t even know what to say, honestly, because that kind of thing was a contributing factor to me leaving my marriage. I guess all I can say is chin up and hang in there!
I understand where your wife is coming from and probably for the same reason. I think it’s a legitimate fear. Email and phones get hacked all the time and that makes me really nervous. I’m not sure I understand why you think she wanted something for a “blackmail box” before she would reciprocate. Maybe she was just trying to make you happy and decided to give it a try for you. But from the description of the pic, sounds like she was still really hesitant. I think just because other people are comfortable putting themselves out there doesn’t mean everyone is or should be, regardless of relationship status.
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My dear Hy, I think perhaps I should introduce my Wife to your ex-husband – they at least would have an aversion to share.
Rest assured you’re tits are wonderful to many of us out here in the land of QWERTY and Kleenex.
(It seems I can’t spell today. Sorry!)
Lol “QWERTY and Kleenex”. Love it AM. Oh, trust me, I know some of what you suffer, though not quite the same. There’s a link back listed in these comments to a new blogger. You should check it out. Apparently my post made her think about how her being shut down affects her husband. I *think* it’s a nonfiction blog, not positive. Anyway, check it out :)
Will do.
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This sounds so much like my life, except a few kids and 10 years later… hopefully I too can find your freedom and self-love, get out of that little box I was assigned for so long, and hopefully it’ll take me less than 10 years…
But thanks for posting this, made me feel better that it’s not just me being delusional, it’s also a little bit of ex husband not appreciating what he has… and today, I needed that reminder.
You’re very welcome! I truly believe that we need others to reflect back to us our beauty at least a little, that it’s mix between having your own self esteem and needing outside feedback.
I’m sorry you felt like I did once, but am glad you’ve moved away from it finally. It really is wonderful out there.
Unfortunately for me, you use the past tense, but it’s still in the present for me… I’m only in the process of getting my life back. All I’ll say is, I’ll take your word for it that it’s wonderful out there, for now… and hopefully soon I can actually go and experience it for myself :-)
Well, I’m glad you’re changing things :)
Do we have the same ex husband? lol
Ha!!